Happy Birthday :D

Every year I write a blog post on my birthday, have done so since 2003, and sometimes they are full of hope and life and excitment, other times they are filled with dread and despair.

This year is kind of just meh for me….the only real goal I have is to lose weight…this is going to be the year I put everything I have into it.  Every ounce of motivation, passion and hope.  I am funnelling it all into losing weight.

I don’t really feel as if I am having a birthday, perhaps I just don’t really care much about turning 33…am I 33 already?  Surely it is 32? oops, yup it is 32 😀  NICE…I added a year onto my age….that’s just WRONG!!!

I am going to be getting my bike L’s soon, as I still have a “want” to ride.  I want to lose enough weight that I can buy a nice bike and not feel huge on it and I want to be able to buy leathers that don’t make me look like the S & M version of the Stay puft Marshmallow man….All in good time of course 🙂

So to sum up my last year, I left MLC (finally), I started my degree (finally), we moved to Kyneton, we got back into our religious practices, my mother finally married the man of her dreams and got married, Hubby got some of the best birthday presents this year for his birthday, we bought a new VW and got rid of the troubled mini, we finally got rid of the old couch when it collpased, we have avoided getting any new credit cards, we have stayed on top of our bills (although no savings thanks to my pay cut), we started eating better (then kind of stopped), I lost 10kgs over Xmas with some hard work and training.

Of all these things, the only thing I am disappointed in is my lack of weight loss.  I wanted this last year to be the year when I could look back and admire my 70kg weight loss.  Looks like this will be that year instead, so I am going to push myself and ensure it happens this year!!  Next birthday I want to be able to brag and brag and brag!! 😀  Consider yourself warned.

I will be ensuring I update my weight loss/exercise blog – ponderosity.wordpress.com a fair bit more and I may add more than just my exercise for the night on there, such as PCOS weightloss challenge (which I missed this time round – so will start in August officially, and this week unofficially), food and other stuff.

Happy Birthday Onyxiia.

Missed a couple of exercise days

Yes I missed a couple of days due to my leg pain.  I did some research into the muscle pain you suffer and most people said to rest the area for a couple of days as you want the muscle to heal, this is what helps build stronger muscles.  If you continue to just tear them down (hence the pain) you will find they eventually wither away and become smaller……soo….that worried me 🙂  Anyway I then missed time due to Xmas which I think is fairly understandable 😀  However I got back into this morning, and I am going to push myself even harder in the next few weeks.

Also a funny thing, I had my scales in my workout room with me so I could weigh myself at the end of every week…..yeah….apparently carpet is not a good surface 🙂  It added an extra 10-15 kg’s to my actual weight…not that it matters as potentially I will be losing weight so it doesn’t matter what my start weight is…however – it does matter if it isn’t reading accurately.  So I have moved into it the bathroom.  I actually need to correct my starting weight on my sheets, i might do that after I post this up 😀

I am also going to take some pictures of my workout room to share, so you can all see how wonderful and bland it is!!  I need to get some motivational posters on the walls 😀  I might even do a collage of dresses/clothes/people/body shapes as well and help me focus on my goal 😀

So anyway Christmas was good.  My mum came up to spend the day with us, so I hope that cheered her up a little bit with the recent denial of her spouse visa she has not been dealing very well with everything.  We  had hubby’s mum down as well.  I bought Prawns!!!  YUMMOOOO!!  Stuffed myself silly to be honest, but you know it is the only day I actually by prawns, so I do go nuts 😀  We also had turkey and ham and roast veggies and then for desert we have hedgehog and fruit cake.  But I only had a small piece of each as I was conscious of the fact I had stuffed prawns in and I haven’t done any exercise!!  LOL

So today we are heading to a friends place for our normal boxing day drinking session.  Nothing major just sitting out talking, eating and drinking, it is always a nice day.

Hubby just showed me a few new exercise, which I am going to have to remember to do each day as well now.  Yes my plan is to do exercise every single day!!

I have to go and check on the silverside I have cooking, so I hope you all had lovely days yesterday and that Santa was good to you.  My Santa got lost in the USA somewhere and so none of our presents are actually here yet 😀  We are following them on tracking and they apparently are in melbourne……..just….not with us…..perhaps next week?  heheeh

Hugs and kisses to you all!!


Fail, fail and more fail!

Fail day today, idiots everywhere and people making my life difficult….just one of those days….

I did no exercise yesterday as my legs a re too sore and I really should give them time to heal, I will do my weights and push ups today and maybe start some sit ups, but I want to give my poor legs a rest….

I am grumpy and in need of chocolate….Mr Grumpy might be getting close………


Xmas, Uni and all that other stuff

I am loving the lack of heat we are experiencing….all this rain is wonderful!  So finally decided to contact hubby’s mum, she isn’t coming down for Xmas as she has a specialist appointment the day before.

I then rang my mother, who is trying to decide what she wants to do for Xmas, so I will confirm with her closer to the date.  Hubby is on call for Xmas which meanss he can’t leave the house and we can’t really have too much noise etc incase he needs to be on the phone.

So in preparation for the Xmas period we went “shopping” and didn’t have any luck with gifts….nothing we wanted to buy poeple was in stores…anywhere….was just horrible…so we may just have to resort to vouchers etc and hope people can deal with that 😀   Every year i say it, but next year – we are doing our Xmas shopping in October!!!  I SWEAR!!!!

My first assignment is almost complete and I am pretty proud of myself, I wonder if I can upload it somewhere 🙂  It may not be the most awesome design attempt, but i think it is pretty cool 🙂  I just have to make a few changes to the fonts and paragraphs and then validate the entire thing and hand it in!  It is due on the 9th Jan, but I am going to be in tassie then, so I want to get it completed and not have to worry about it 🙂 

I also have my first test next week….the week of the 27th….so I have to start studying and making sure I have everything under control.  I am not entirely sure I do though, but we can only hope!!  This is the first test I will have taken in over 10 years so even if I barely pass I will happy with that….I have rom for improvement over the coming months….I am just freaking out that I am even doing a degree!!

My legs are killing me by the way, after doing those squats the other night I can barely move!!  But I did some weights etc last night as well after all the walking around doncaster yesterday….I jumped on the scales and I think I may have lost 1kg already…..I know it isn’t much, but 1kg is 1 kg LOSS!!!  So that has given me some motivation.  I am not going to be jumping on the scales everyday as I know weight fluctuates etc.  But to even see that after only a couple of days…well I got a massive motivational boost. 

I am thinking of attempting walking today, but it will depend on my legs in all honesty….hubby suggested I have a bath with bicarb soda to draw out the acis….still a possibility.

I do have to go to the post office again today and ask them about the second parcel seeing as how I never got a phone call from the distribution centre about it…..NOT happy JAN!!  I was thinking abotu walking down there, but my concern is if they find the package I have to walk back with it….which is not an exciting prospect 😀

another day

I just got back from my walk, I had to cut it slightly short as rain clouds were threatening. In fact, just as I left home I got a slight sprinkle but it didn’t get heavier so I soldiered on!

Managed 3 km’s today, although my left thigh muscle is hurting, I wonder if I walk lop sided? My back was starting to hurt towards the home stretch and that is because I slouch when i get tired. So I have to rememeber to keep my back straight and not crooked.

During me typing that last sentence the rain just started bucketing down, so I did make it home in the nick of time.

I am going to give myself a 20 minute break then I will go and do some weights and push ups, I don’t want to do too much to start with as it will mean I just get sore and then be uanble to continue. I am sure I am going to be even more sore tomorrow, but you do have to push through some pain 😀

I now have two walking paths which are approximately the same length and not too horrible to walk, I shall keep to these two and switch them up. Once I am more fit I will go in the other direction which involves a couple of large-ish hills…

I had some fruit and yoghurt for lunch as we are having a BBQ for dinner I didn’t want to have too much bad food in one day 😀

Anyway going to split and throw myself onto the couch…I don’t want to move 😀

Here we go again :D

I have made one of our spare rooms into a workout room, complete wwith fan ans and will be moving the speakers for the stereo in there today. Am tossing up putting my treadmill in there when I get it….wondering if I have the motivation to be sure I exercise even if hubby ios watching tv etc.

Today I have done weights – will go back and do some more shortly, I have done about 3 minutes worth of skipping – I gave up since I can’t seem to skip anymore, the rope is too long and keeps kitting me….I could also just be retarded 😀

I have also just got back from a walk, I was aiming for 40 minutes and I pretty much nailed that to the minute. According to google maps I walked 2.24 miles – apparently 3.6km’s….I highly doubt that, but since I can’t seem to figure out how to change it to km’s AND make sure I am using the right tool, I will just wait until hubby calls me and I will ask him to work it out for me 😀

I am going to do some more study once I have done my weights, as I only have a couple of weeks left before my assignment is due and my first test is on. I really need to organise a student diary or something…might give RMIT a call and find out what the go is since techincally I am enrolled in one of their courses.

This time I am going to stick to a plan!! Hopefully I will be getting a treadmill next week, if all goes to plan, which means I can do more walking 😀 and maybe even some running :D….LOL yeah very little running! but running nontheless!

edited to add:
Yup, just figured it out and it was 3.6 km’s 😀 I am a lilttle chuffed with myself to be honest. If I can walk that every day and do my circuit course that I have planned I should be definitely able to go to Anberlin in March 😀

Think I just got screwed?

Was on the phone with hubby about some stuff just now, and I think I just got screwed….not sure….tell me what you think?

One of my favourite bands is Anberlin. Hubby says they are emo crap, but I love them, I think they are just my kind of rock 😀 Almost perfect in musical stylings. Anyway, they are coming to Melbourne in March next year. Hubby just made a deal with me, that I can buy tickets and he will come with me (“and enjoy it and shut up”), providing I am a size 18 by then. If I have not achieved that goal, we are going to get rid of the tickets……………..I just can’t understand that last sentence, it hurts my brain just thinking about it.

That’s almost like saying, here is a lovely, chocolately, cake, but if you so much as sniff it we are going to take it away from you…GAHHHHHH!!!!!!! So….size 18 by March here we come!!! I have to do this. I want to see Anberlin!! No I NEED TO SEE ANBERLIN!!

Onto other news, we are getting rid of the mini, although the hubby loves his car, it is costing us so much money to keep it on the road it is not very practical anymore. BMW/Mini service centres are kind of useless as well, but that is whole nother story, let’s just say when I am taking the car in to be serviced or looked at – I want a price beforehand so I know what to budget/plan for…..to be told “we can’t give you an estimate” makes me pretty uncomfortable and makes me wonder if they just make up prices once the service has been done to get the most money because no one knew what the cost would be going in….I also don’t like the idea of turning up to get the car and being told we need to pay thousands of dollars – I just don’t have that kind of money sitting around you know?…… We are getting a good trade in on it for a VW Golf, so we now have a second car loan for a very small amount, which when i get a new job we will be refinancing the house and combining the two.

I am not keen on having a second car loan, however it should, in theory, only be for a short while.

I have to shott off now and set up one of our spare rooms as a workout room now!! EEP!!

So it continues

Still having problems of the female variety.  I just can’t afford to take any more sick days given I only have 10 more working days left….Once I am out of here I will see a gyno and get some further advice, however I know what their response will be….I need to lose weight….so December is going to be the start of that, I am hoping that once I get my treadmil and am doing at least 1.5 hours a day on it, I should lose weight…hubby and I are going to go into vegetarian mode again – just have vegies and salads as food.  Cut out meat, bread, potatoes and possibly do a detox as well to get off the sugar and coffee and other things that need to be expelled.

Combined with the increase in exercise I am hoping to lose at least 10kgs in december…well that’s my goal…It’s probably too high a goal, but you have to aim for the top to achieve anything I reckon.

I just want to bleeding to stop.

On the upside the wound on my back has finally healed I think, it has been over 3 weeks and no blood or opening and this morning I couldn’t even feel where the wound actually is.  So it looks like it may have actually healed up.  This is a great thing!!!  Means something is finally going right.

Onto other news, my mum has been promised a decision on the spouse visa on Tuesday morning (our time) so if all goes well the new family could be out here by the weekend, which is awesome for her.  Fingers crossed we actually do get an answer but I have little faith in them actually doing what they say.  So I am not holding my breath and will wait until mum actually calls me and tells me what the decision is.  It could still be a negative, but mum isn’t considering that as an option.

What a weekend

It has been a busy few weeks and I have not had a chance to update much.

Being a closet pies fan, I was sort of happy with the pies winning this weekend, won’t go so far as to say I was excited etc, but it was nice 😀  I am not a fan of the AFL but for as long as I can remember I have followed the pies, I used to be into footy when I was younger, even used to go to the matches a fair bit, but then I guess I just got over the sport 🙂  Not sure why, but it just didn’t hold interest for me.

NRL on the other hand, is my favourite sport.  The game is just awesome, and even more awesome than the dragons won this weekend as well!!  GO DRAGONS!!!  Hubby and I barracked for the dragons when we lived in Sydney and when we moved back to Melbourne and found barely any NRL coverage we changed to Storm in the hopes we could at least get some involvement, but once the cheating came out earlier this year, we decided to once again return to the dragons.  So this year was a good year for switching teams and a nice boost to our hopes in NRL.

It was a fantastic match and my throat is killing me from the screaming I was doing at the TV last night.

Onto other things – Work has been busy as it was our end of business year, which just makes things like hell on earth.  Today is a public holiday in NSW/SA which is where a fair percentage of the people I look after are based in, so I should be having a fairly quite day if I am lucky 😀

I am hanging out until November as that is when our end of year bonus gets paid, and since I did relatively well this year with regards to my performance I am hoping for a nice one.  We will have a better idea at the end of October as to what the figure will be.

I am hanging for the bonus as it will be paying for my cert IV in small business management that I have earmarked to start at the end of this year.  Should only take me 12 months to complete and then I can move onto a diploma or degree or something.  I am toying with the idea of starting a business up – but need to do some research and data collection – so this course will help me prepare all that.  Not sure if my idea is viable or indeed even wanted in the market, if not at least I will have a cert to take to job hunting with; failing all else 😀

Mum still hasn’t heard anything about her spouse visa, we have just entered into the 3rd month, so fingers crossed we hear something positive soon!  She is getting far too stressed and her health has been deteriorating with all the worry.

My shoulders have healed up finally – so will pull the skipping rope out tonight, pad my shoulders and try and go for 10 minutes – even if it is in small bursts….am thinking about going for a walk as well tonight, might try and do 4 kms if I can find a suitable path around the area that isn’t all hills – I am not fit enough to tackle hills but I can do a flat walk…..should only take an hour or so.

I really want to lose weight – and I am mostly motivated to do so, I think once I start getting into a routine that will help immensely 😀 I WANT TO GO OVERSEAS!!!!!!!!

Life getting you down?

I am really feeling down today. I just can’t seem to get interested in anything.  I feel that i want to cry and curl into a ball sobbing…perhaps the bottle of wine I have in the fridge will be consumed tonight to help alleviate the emptiness.

I know why i feel like this, because I can’t seem to find a job to save my soul.  In all honesty the last 4 interviews I have been four I have been told there is no feedback they can give me, that I am supberb and fabulous.  However there has been a stronger candidate and they wished they had two positions so I could have one of them.

I am just depressed that I seem to be soooo good, yet not good enough.  They can offer no feedback or improvements and this leads me to think one paranoid thing….do people not want to hire fat people?  In a world with current obesity problems are we still under the impression that fat people = lazy people?

The reason I have come to this conclusion is this – being fat and therefore not in a suit and dressed appropriately is, in my mind, the ONLY thing they can NOT offer feedback on as it would be discriminating.  If my resume was not as impressive, or my experience not as good – wouldn’t they say that as feedback – wouldn’t they give examples of HOW my knowledge/skills/experience was not appropriate??  They can’t turn around and say “Well you are fat and so we don’t want you!” can they?

Seriously I wouldn’t be feeling this way if they could actually provide me feedback on what I can improve or what skills I can develop – but NOTHING!!!  Asking direct questions give me NOTHING!!!

I am trying to lose weight, but being as large as I am takes time, having PCOS does not help that and having unhealed wounds also doesn’t help.  I am sick to death of this….We have managed to cut our portion sizes down dramatically and I am drinking more water and having breakfast (most days).  Aside from this week being down with the flu, we have started some exercise again and I really hope this helps, but I am not likely to be losing enough weight for months for it to be making a difference to my appearance or ability to buy clothes and suits.

I am depressed today, I am sooo depressed. I want to cry and I want to scream and I want to wring people’s necks until their eyes pop out of their heads and they bleed internally!!  OK so maybe not that last part….maybe….