Moving forward

I have enrolled in Uni, I start in August 🙂

I am doing Intro to Chemistry as I have to have basic chem to do any science courses.  I am nervous as hell. I can do it though.  I have more than enough nerdy science friends that could tutor me and indeed even my mother!

I can get it done!  This will be the start of increasing my GPA.

I also start karate next week – Monday in fact. So I will be doing uni study before classes start it’s a good way of utilizing my time 😀 as I have 2 hours to waste before classes start and when I finish work.

The only issue being i will have to spend sunday cooking as many pre-meals as possible I think as it will just get too hard to cook both and lunch and dinner for Monday and Thursdays the night before or morning of.

Due to my weightloss I am able to fit into my suit again – so job interviews are back on the table!!  WOOT!

My business idea is still churning around i my head.  I have to go and buy some material this fortnight and start sewing. Then asking friends if they want things made so I can build a portfolio up and then creating a web profile for it. I don’t want to give away too much because I don’t want to risk losing the idea 🙂

 

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Getting back in the game

The last couple of weeks I have been trying to get my head back in the game. Not be such a whinging little cow and make my life mean something to me again.

I am not telling my friends and family about this (aside from those who read this of course) as I don’t want to fail again in their eyes.

Because I don’t have a GPA at the moment with the one HD and 3 fails, I have decided to enrol back into study – I am not going to enrol into a degree at this stage, just a module at a time.  I will try as much as possible to stick with the one university and the one degree course for the modules.

I am currently looking at doing science. I know – another change – however as I said to hubby a few nights ago…I never really considered science seriously because I don’t feel that I am smart enough.  From a chemistry standpoint, I certainly am not. However I loved biology, genetics, and cells in high school  From my recollection I did quite well on those projects. Perhaps my mother will remember better than I do.

I also had quite a few career choices I was interested in that were science based like Vet, Nurse, CSIRO research etc..I remember those desires vividly. Why did I let them fall by the wayside – because I wasn’t good at chemistry? Seems silly to me now.  I think I thought all science was the same and really it isn’t is it?

Anyway, I can do intro science, see how i like it, see what happens.  The modules I looked at all have Melbourne based on campus learning for one week of the study period, mornings only, so I can manage that with no extra money for flights etc.

I want to make my parents proud, I want to make my hubby proud, I want to make myself proud.  I am not a dole bludger welfare mother, so yes I could be proud of that fact, but I want more from my life and I am the only one who is going to be able to get it.

I have not yet enrolled as I still freak out every few days about my cockiness – who in the hell do I think I am?  Me – do science…please, it would be like watching a horse trying to waltz!!  Anyway, I am working through those thoughts 🙂

Next, a blogging friend, who I have been following for a while now, has done me something that has given me such a boost of love and confidence.  There are a few of us in the WoW blogosphere that are in love with Chibis. They are cute little characters drawings of our in game toons.  They are so gorgeous you honestly want to just die.  Think of the cat from Puss in Boots with the big round eyes cute 🙂  Anyway, I have made comment a few times on how wonderful they are…I will get one ordered soon! Well I have a few toons I would love to get a couple done.  In the end she told me last night – she had one ordered for me!!  OMG! I don’t know which of my toons, likely my mage, but honestly I was floored!

It has made me feel so special that she has got one ordered for me. I really can’t put it into words how special.  I must do something to repay the kindness she has shown me.  Once I receive it, I have to make a lovely post, but I can’t formulate words correctly at the moment, I don’t know of anything that I could do which would say how I really feel about it.  It is more than just a chibi to me.

 

Too hot

It’s too hot for me today, I can’t sleep.  So thought I would get up and post, see if it makes any difference to my state of being.

It got to 34 degrees today and is currently approx 25 degrees, we are about 20 minutes away from the nearest weather station thing, so how far off the temp is I have no idea.  I am not a hot – or even warm – weather kind of person.  I do not cope well at all.

Anyway, I am back to work on Thursday, tomorrow being my last day on holidays and it is going to be a pretty full on day. I have a guy coming at 9am to quote us one getting security/fly screens on our doors – but the girl i booked it through reckons $600 EACH door is a bare minimum….not fucking likely thanks..I will learn how to if that is the case.

I was going to get my nails fixed, but will move that appointment to the weekend, as I have to take the new Dad to have hid driving license test. My fingers are crossed for him as this will be his third attempt I think.  They say that’s the charm right? Apparently his instructor double booked himself or something and mum can’t get the arvo off work, so I am it 🙂  Lucky for them I am still on holidays. :p  So hopefully he can stick some P plates on his car tomorrow afternoon 🙂

I also officially applied to UNE today. Honestly, I was going to go through melbourne Uni, but I had to wait until next year to start German with them as I have missed this years admission and mid year intake does not have German 101 basically.  I also had to sit a STAT test for Melb uni, which I could not find accurate information about anywhere and every time I tried to call I would get shuffled from one area to another….seems no one really knows about Mature age entry STATs….anyway it just seemed all to hard.  I can’t be bothered dancing to tunes that have no flow.

I don’t know when i find out if I have been accepted, I assume I just get an email when and if it does not doesn’t happen.  In the mean time I am going to try and find some sites or G+ groups for people learning german.  It will help to some degree I am sure 😀

There are other things appending with family that I can’t/don’t want to post about until we know more.

Not much else has really been happening really, just general life and day to day things.

Photography

I am toying with the idea of setting up a very basic website for my photography.  I have realised this last few months that I am not very good at photography that involves people….for some reason I cannot get a clean shot…however with my abstract and  landscape/macro stuff I think I get fucking awesome images…so I will just be focusing on that 🙂  I am not really wanting to make a living out of it, but it would be nice if people actually bought anything I shot…just because they liked it….I am not really sure I want to start paying for some of the fancy sites out there, when in the end – I am not really even going to try and make money out of it….Not sure though….it has just been something in the back of my mind.

At the moment, I am just going through all my images and placing a name tag on them…I know most of the time people can remove it if they are really keen, but it is just nice knowing it is on there and perhaps if people start seeing a name – subconsciously it will be remembered?  LOL….Mind you my images are nothing like the stuff I have seen….there are some brilliant photographers out there, and I mean jaw droppingly fantabulous photos are being produced….but you know – there are some fucking awful ones as well 😀  Each person likes a different style and with how many billion people in the world…potentially at least one person will like my images enough to buy one of them…providing I can get it out there enough 🙂  Well that’s my theory!

I was going through my images from Xmas and am a little disappointed actually as a lot of them are grainy…and I am not sure why…my camera is a pretty good quality one and I am baffled..it isn’t like they are out of focus…or maybe they are and it comes out grainy…i don’t know…but some were crystal clear; so perhaps it was just the focus….anyway I suck at people shots as I try to capture things without waiting the 3 seconds to focus…but the moment could be gone….gAHH!

So, I am currently just adding things to my G+ account, and I may make another photography circle; I deleted the last one as I was so despondent about everything and I figured I would never take another photo again, but Xmas Day and Boxing Day has made me realise how much I enjoy doing it….so I am just going to keep it in the back and let people enjoy or dislike my stuff as they see fit.  The important thing is that “I” get pictures that I like and no -one can take that from me 🙂

I wish I could show that kind of resolve in other areas of my life….like Uni etc….I am also join to call Melbourne Uni/VTAC this week and find out about the STAT test I am supposed to sit…..not that Melbourne Uni is the one I have to go to…however it does have a very awesome Arts program AND it is one of the more easy uni’s to get into….it is also very prestigious; I have to admit I really wouldn’t mind saying I finished my degree there…..is that shallow of me?  perhaps….

Anyway, once I speak to them, then I can decide on the work issue….I will keep pushing something like Coles/Woollies if I can get into Uni as I am then able to go to uni full-time (maybe) and still work enough hours somewhere to bring in enough money for us to live on.  I would rather go to uni full time as it will mean a degree will only take me 3 years as opposed to potentially 10…..We shall see though….I have to make phone calls before anything can move forward – at least I have a plan though.

My plan was also to get into a routine with exercise whilst on holidays and I have failed miserably at that.  I have done nothing….Xmas/NYE was very busy though and I just didn’t get a chance to stop…so the last thing I was thinking about was finding time to exercise…and since then all I have done is sit on my butt!  hahaahh  I need to take this next few weeks and make something of it.  But then the last week up where I am has been above 35 eve3ry day and I can barely function in that heat let alone exercise….today is not actually too bad, so I may find the motivation to do something…even if it just the first half of the kickboxing DVD I have.

Xmas Update :)

I have forgotten to update simply because it is so busy 🙂  hence the daily truth things, I thought it would perhaps keep people learning more about me, however since a couple decided not to post and previous mentioned, I figured I may as well tae this time to do a quick update 🙂

The Mother-in-Law came down on Christmas Eve Day, so I had to get up early, get all the Xmas day shopping done and then drive for 1.2 hours to get M-I-L from train station.  Essentially a wasted day 🙂

Xmas Day, we went to the local botanical gardens for the day to just get out of the house and do something different, we had a late addition of a tribe of nigerian people come as well. IN truth, they are only 5 Nigerians, but with the racket the kids make – I swear it feels like 30 🙂

We had a lovely day, the kids played soccer and the adults caught up.  Here is a youtube clip of my siblings having some dancing and singing. I apologise in advance for the quality I took this one on my iPhone and I have yet to grab the stuff off my proper camera 🙂

Hubby and my mum both ended up with some heat issues – dehydration perhaps…sun stroke…no idea…but Xmas in Melbourne can be a little scorchy.

We came home at about 5pm, and then had one of our friends come round at about 6pm to just chill out and have some drinks with us.

Then Boxing Day every year we head round to a friends place for a BBQ, however we went to bendigo in the morning to get some wedding photos printed out for the M-I-L and then we had a look around and a few bits and pieces.  BBQ was really good we got there at about 2.3pm and we got home at about 7pm, we all then decided to sit on the couch and do absolutely nothing!!  We were all pretty wrecked!

The next day we spent driving for 3 hours to drop the m-i-l off at the train station, which was 40 minutes late, and then we had some more friends over for dinner.

Yesterday, hubby went to work and was not feeling well so came home after about 3 hours…he is feeling better now though which is great.

Just typing that post has made me feel exhausted again to be honest!  We still have to find a chance to get over to see my Dad and S-mum for Xmas etc, but in all honesty, we have New years in a couple of days – which we have to start getting organised for, and I just need to get some sleep in!

I hope everyone I know has had a lovely Christmas and all that good stuff.

A good friend recently started doing video diaries instead of blogging, who would be interested in hearing me waffle or do you prefer to read it?  I am contemplating starting to test it out as well, and I have done a few videos here and there…let me know what you think 🙂

I am also trying to get my camera out again, I lost a lot of confidence in myself recently and although I have decided I don’t want to do portraits – I do enjoy taking landscape and animal shots…so I am going to continue with that and perhaps create a section/website dedicated to that so that people can purchase prints maybe?  Still working on the idea as I don’t want to spend money on something that I have no real intention of pursuing as a huge part of my life, but I would like to share images with people so if they want to hang them in their houses/shops/hotels etc they are able to.

Uni – is still a work in progress – I am still deciding what I am going to do- as yet I am undecided and I have to make some phone calls tomorrow about it all.

 

German

Once again I have been doing some soul searching and trying to figure out wtf I want to do with my life.

Hubby was brutual again in his assessment of my stupidly held views and i completely understand his point of view – but i just don’t know how to change them.

The issue is I believe – strongly and without doubt – that a person must have a career goal – (I blame my  mother for that :P)  and they must attain that goal.  Or they could have kids – which is a valid lifestyle choice and become stay at home mums for at least the first few years of the babies lives…again that is my opinion 🙂

However I fit neither of those boxes.  I have no career aspirations – other than the be making enough money to cover our bills and allow me to save for a god damn overseas holiday 🙂  I also have no current desire to procreate – that could of course change at any point.

So my “issue” is that I don’t fit into my own stereotype of what I should be – and it causes me so much mental stress.  Hubby was trying to convince me that I don’t need a goal – there are many people who don’t have goals or career aspirations and they do just fine.

So after that whole discussion, I realised that I was doing uni courses and things that don’t interest me – I don’t really want to do programming or marketting or business admin – but I was doing them because they inevitably lead to careers – that I don’t want to do.  I am going to look into getting back into German studies.

There are a couple of long term diploma’s etc, however I am going to look into some short courses as well see if i can’t get my German back a little faster than that.

I can certainly pick up a career that involves German easily enough and I love German and all things related so this will be a more positive move for me in the long run.

I also think the reason I am not getting a job is because I told myself I would work at Dad’s shop to give me the chance to a)study – having a day off and b) lose weight.  I think until I fulfil both of those things – I am nto going anywhere.  Sometimes Will power and sending things into the Aether is NOT a good idea unless you are sure you can still to it.

Unhappy and desperate

I am completely over it at the moment. My fairy god mother never turned up to tell me exactly what I should be doing in my life and so here I am again; confused, annoyed and just bored.

Every other aspects of my life is perfect, hubby, home, friends, faith….yet the one thing that still eludes me is what I should make a career out of.

Here is a list of some of the professions over the years I have thought I wanted to do:

Vet
Dancer
Florist
Nurse
Seamstress
Underwriter
Business owner
Curator -art
Programmer
System admin
Pastry/cake chef
Teacher
Mechanic
Landscaper
Photographer – yeah right!
Singer
Actress

And this is by no means complete…..I am just not interested in one thing….maybe acting is the way to go because I can be everything at some point? Lol

I have now confirmed a few things – doing a degree requires more time than I have available, distance Ed even more so and requires motivation that is not existent, I don’t like doing essays and reports and reading pages of bullshit that apparently makes them legit simply because they were printed – doesn’t mean their opinions are not biased!!!, I prefer actually doing something creatively and being marked on that – like my website, I don’t want to be a low level admin person for the rest of my life but I don’t know where to start!!!!!

I am so deflated and saddened about it….why could I not make a decision??