Moving forward

I have enrolled in Uni, I start in August 🙂

I am doing Intro to Chemistry as I have to have basic chem to do any science courses.  I am nervous as hell. I can do it though.  I have more than enough nerdy science friends that could tutor me and indeed even my mother!

I can get it done!  This will be the start of increasing my GPA.

I also start karate next week – Monday in fact. So I will be doing uni study before classes start it’s a good way of utilizing my time 😀 as I have 2 hours to waste before classes start and when I finish work.

The only issue being i will have to spend sunday cooking as many pre-meals as possible I think as it will just get too hard to cook both and lunch and dinner for Monday and Thursdays the night before or morning of.

Due to my weightloss I am able to fit into my suit again – so job interviews are back on the table!!  WOOT!

My business idea is still churning around i my head.  I have to go and buy some material this fortnight and start sewing. Then asking friends if they want things made so I can build a portfolio up and then creating a web profile for it. I don’t want to give away too much because I don’t want to risk losing the idea 🙂

 

Getting back in the game

The last couple of weeks I have been trying to get my head back in the game. Not be such a whinging little cow and make my life mean something to me again.

I am not telling my friends and family about this (aside from those who read this of course) as I don’t want to fail again in their eyes.

Because I don’t have a GPA at the moment with the one HD and 3 fails, I have decided to enrol back into study – I am not going to enrol into a degree at this stage, just a module at a time.  I will try as much as possible to stick with the one university and the one degree course for the modules.

I am currently looking at doing science. I know – another change – however as I said to hubby a few nights ago…I never really considered science seriously because I don’t feel that I am smart enough.  From a chemistry standpoint, I certainly am not. However I loved biology, genetics, and cells in high school  From my recollection I did quite well on those projects. Perhaps my mother will remember better than I do.

I also had quite a few career choices I was interested in that were science based like Vet, Nurse, CSIRO research etc..I remember those desires vividly. Why did I let them fall by the wayside – because I wasn’t good at chemistry? Seems silly to me now.  I think I thought all science was the same and really it isn’t is it?

Anyway, I can do intro science, see how i like it, see what happens.  The modules I looked at all have Melbourne based on campus learning for one week of the study period, mornings only, so I can manage that with no extra money for flights etc.

I want to make my parents proud, I want to make my hubby proud, I want to make myself proud.  I am not a dole bludger welfare mother, so yes I could be proud of that fact, but I want more from my life and I am the only one who is going to be able to get it.

I have not yet enrolled as I still freak out every few days about my cockiness – who in the hell do I think I am?  Me – do science…please, it would be like watching a horse trying to waltz!!  Anyway, I am working through those thoughts 🙂

Next, a blogging friend, who I have been following for a while now, has done me something that has given me such a boost of love and confidence.  There are a few of us in the WoW blogosphere that are in love with Chibis. They are cute little characters drawings of our in game toons.  They are so gorgeous you honestly want to just die.  Think of the cat from Puss in Boots with the big round eyes cute 🙂  Anyway, I have made comment a few times on how wonderful they are…I will get one ordered soon! Well I have a few toons I would love to get a couple done.  In the end she told me last night – she had one ordered for me!!  OMG! I don’t know which of my toons, likely my mage, but honestly I was floored!

It has made me feel so special that she has got one ordered for me. I really can’t put it into words how special.  I must do something to repay the kindness she has shown me.  Once I receive it, I have to make a lovely post, but I can’t formulate words correctly at the moment, I don’t know of anything that I could do which would say how I really feel about it.  It is more than just a chibi to me.

 

German

Once again I have been doing some soul searching and trying to figure out wtf I want to do with my life.

Hubby was brutual again in his assessment of my stupidly held views and i completely understand his point of view – but i just don’t know how to change them.

The issue is I believe – strongly and without doubt – that a person must have a career goal – (I blame my  mother for that :P)  and they must attain that goal.  Or they could have kids – which is a valid lifestyle choice and become stay at home mums for at least the first few years of the babies lives…again that is my opinion 🙂

However I fit neither of those boxes.  I have no career aspirations – other than the be making enough money to cover our bills and allow me to save for a god damn overseas holiday 🙂  I also have no current desire to procreate – that could of course change at any point.

So my “issue” is that I don’t fit into my own stereotype of what I should be – and it causes me so much mental stress.  Hubby was trying to convince me that I don’t need a goal – there are many people who don’t have goals or career aspirations and they do just fine.

So after that whole discussion, I realised that I was doing uni courses and things that don’t interest me – I don’t really want to do programming or marketting or business admin – but I was doing them because they inevitably lead to careers – that I don’t want to do.  I am going to look into getting back into German studies.

There are a couple of long term diploma’s etc, however I am going to look into some short courses as well see if i can’t get my German back a little faster than that.

I can certainly pick up a career that involves German easily enough and I love German and all things related so this will be a more positive move for me in the long run.

I also think the reason I am not getting a job is because I told myself I would work at Dad’s shop to give me the chance to a)study – having a day off and b) lose weight.  I think until I fulfil both of those things – I am nto going anywhere.  Sometimes Will power and sending things into the Aether is NOT a good idea unless you are sure you can still to it.

It’s a girl thing….

yeah, it’s a girl thing to spend a week every month lacking motivation in everything, life, study, exercise, brain function………gah….

I have 2 weeks of study I need to be doing and I cannot find the drive to even log in, because it will require brain power that I just don’t have today, I am home alone, hubby is out with the boys and it would be perfect…well it was a perfect plan until the girl things happened and then made me lose all hope in humanity!

 

😦

 

Sad Panda

Sad Panda from somewhere on the web.

So now I am going to log in and see if i can focus on at least 30 minutes worth of reading…..wish me luck.

Bleurgh

Had another interview today at an agency, they may be sending me for an interview this week…I am waiting to hear – it is a part time job in Collins street somewhere, 3 days a week.  Pay isn’t too bad and anything has got tbe better than nothing.

I am exhausted though – driving into the city for a 25 minute appointment really annoys me to be honest.  I get so tired driving for just over 2 hours.  Anyway they signed me up for temp work as well, let’s hope someone gets me some work soon…I am beginning to lose the plot 😀 hehe

I need to get stuck into my study, I am just a week behind in actual studying…I have read through all the notes but I have not done any of the practical exercises etc….which requires looking up information etc. That will be my focus this week aside from interviews.

I just booked my exam, in Bendigo – on the 28th Feb ARRGGHH!!!!!!  Just over a month to get everything into my head….some serious studying needs to occur!!!

Better go – I have heaps to do this afternoon!!