I have been in a very very bad place the last few weeks, in fact I have about 6 posts that I have in various stages of completion and most are either private or drafts.
I can’t seem to feel like baring my soul anymore as I really just don’t think my heart is in it anymore.
Actually my heart really isn’t in much anymore.
I was rejected for my uni application becuase I withdrew from 3 subjects which then got marked as fails. Essentially I am not going to be accepted to uni now as mature age entry. The last available avenue is to sit a STAT test and attempt entry that way – but as someone who fails most exams situations, I can’t see the point.
Suffice it to say, with my inability to get a new job, or come up with a business idea or get into Uni or lose weight, or clean up the junk rooms, or find motivation to do anything – I am feeling particularly like a failure.
I am sure this will pass and all the good in the world won’t help the fact that all I can think about at the moment, is what waste of space/time/effort/money I am.
I am sure there are many lovely things about me, that other people see in me, but honestly – it’s all bullshit – words to keep you propped up – if the good things were true – I would be in a better place…..
Don’t get me wrong, I am not judging myself on other people’s ideas of success, but I am not even succeeding on my own terms.
I am not sure on my posting shcedule – I am sure it will happen when it feels important enought to type about….but well you all know how to get hold of me if something urgent comes up….