I have been in a very very bad place the last few weeks, in fact I have about 6 posts that I have in various stages of completion and most are either private or drafts.
I can’t seem to feel like baring my soul anymore as I really just don’t think my heart is in it anymore.
Actually my heart really isn’t in much anymore.
I was rejected for my uni application becuase I withdrew from 3 subjects which then got marked as fails. Essentially I am not going to be accepted to uni now as mature age entry. The last available avenue is to sit a STAT test and attempt entry that way – but as someone who fails most exams situations, I can’t see the point.
Suffice it to say, with my inability to get a new job, or come up with a business idea or get into Uni or lose weight, or clean up the junk rooms, or find motivation to do anything – I am feeling particularly like a failure.
I am sure this will pass and all the good in the world won’t help the fact that all I can think about at the moment, is what waste of space/time/effort/money I am.
I am sure there are many lovely things about me, that other people see in me, but honestly – it’s all bullshit – words to keep you propped up – if the good things were true – I would be in a better place…..
Don’t get me wrong, I am not judging myself on other people’s ideas of success, but I am not even succeeding on my own terms.
I am not sure on my posting shcedule – I am sure it will happen when it feels important enought to type about….but well you all know how to get hold of me if something urgent comes up….
When the rain starts 