New bed and new me

We have now been sleeping on our bed for almost a week and my back is almost, almost not sore..there is still a slight twinge but it is nothing compared to what it used to be.  It took about 3 days for the pain to finally stop – after the first night there was a noticeable difference. So I am feeling so much better!!  My biggest issue with the bed is how high from the ground we are sleeping, at a guess it is almost triple the height of our old bed and I have to almost climb into it every night….I love it…except for nights like last night where hubby kept snuggling closer to me and at some point I was about to fall out….it’s a big drop…So comfy though…omg so comfy…new bed is super…love it – it’s probably my best buy of 2011….

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Life getting you down?

I am really feeling down today. I just can’t seem to get interested in anything.  I feel that i want to cry and curl into a ball sobbing…perhaps the bottle of wine I have in the fridge will be consumed tonight to help alleviate the emptiness.

I know why i feel like this, because I can’t seem to find a job to save my soul.  In all honesty the last 4 interviews I have been four I have been told there is no feedback they can give me, that I am supberb and fabulous.  However there has been a stronger candidate and they wished they had two positions so I could have one of them.

I am just depressed that I seem to be soooo good, yet not good enough.  They can offer no feedback or improvements and this leads me to think one paranoid thing….do people not want to hire fat people?  In a world with current obesity problems are we still under the impression that fat people = lazy people?

The reason I have come to this conclusion is this – being fat and therefore not in a suit and dressed appropriately is, in my mind, the ONLY thing they can NOT offer feedback on as it would be discriminating.  If my resume was not as impressive, or my experience not as good – wouldn’t they say that as feedback – wouldn’t they give examples of HOW my knowledge/skills/experience was not appropriate??  They can’t turn around and say “Well you are fat and so we don’t want you!” can they?

Seriously I wouldn’t be feeling this way if they could actually provide me feedback on what I can improve or what skills I can develop – but NOTHING!!!  Asking direct questions give me NOTHING!!!

I am trying to lose weight, but being as large as I am takes time, having PCOS does not help that and having unhealed wounds also doesn’t help.  I am sick to death of this….We have managed to cut our portion sizes down dramatically and I am drinking more water and having breakfast (most days).  Aside from this week being down with the flu, we have started some exercise again and I really hope this helps, but I am not likely to be losing enough weight for months for it to be making a difference to my appearance or ability to buy clothes and suits.

I am depressed today, I am sooo depressed. I want to cry and I want to scream and I want to wring people’s necks until their eyes pop out of their heads and they bleed internally!!  OK so maybe not that last part….maybe….