time

it’s been a couple of hours since my last post, and I am sinking even further, I am trying to keep my spirits buoyed, but I am fighting a losing battle.

I will be sending my resume through to maccas and KFC soon the rate things are going – something i said I would never ever do…..

I am not entirely sure I should drive myself home today, as I am not thinking clearly, so I am glad I am not coming to work tomorrow.

There is nothing I can say to myself to feel better, all my self talk is completely negative and anything positive I think of is being immediately shot down with negative things that seem to make more sense.

I can’t fight anymore, and I have no more strength…not today….the last few months I have felt myself getting more and more depressed about this whole job situation and I think the phone call this morning was the camel’s back snapping…especially when I have been trying to put a good facade on the situation to ensure people don’t worry about me and my feelings….but the energy I was using to maintain that has run out…

GAH

Week one

Have done the first week back at work, and my god it was painful.

We were in bed by about 9.30 every night as we needed to be up at 4.30 in the morning to catch the train :/  This week D is on 2pm to 10pm shifts so I will be catching the later train more than likely and then D will be driving to work each day.  Thank god for the second car is all I can say!!

I had my parents up tonight for dinner, and it was really nice, they love the house and think it is very us.  I have had many friends come over and all have said it is much more a house than our other place ever was, so I am guessing that is a good thing 😀  D and I do feel so much relaxed in this place and I don’t feel quite to anxious up here.

Nothing much else really going on, I have started to look for work in preparation for August/Sept as I don’t want to be out of work if I can help it, although the idea of having a few months off it very very appealing 🙂 heheh  My long service leave – once paid out would be at least 2 months salary, so I may take that time to look for work.

I have been swinging between wanting to start a career and wanting to start a family….OMG!!  Yes I said it – there!!  LOL  The family is still a while off, however I am leaning more towards that then a career which I will likely have to interrupt or even maybe stop if we do have children….

D just got a new job as well, he got promoted into a role has been interested in since last year.  It’s actually the same job he applied for when we were considering moving back to Sydney last year, they opened the role up in melbourne and he scored the promotion.  WOOT!!  No more shiftwork, no more crappy hours – he will be on call for periods, at this time it looks like 1 week in five or something, but it means we can actually organise things and have a life now 😀  Which we are both loving the idea of.  He starts in a couple of weeks!  It also includes, we think, he has not been told/confirmed yet, what the pay will be, but it is approx 15k more than what he is on at the moment 😀

This change in our situation is also one of the reasons children might be a possibility in the future. I could quite easily get a part time job in town it would bring in enough bacon potentially, but that is a long time off and we still have so much we need to get sorted out and paid off before we can seriously consider it.  I would like to have refinanced the house and combined the car loan into the mortgage etc so we only have one payment for the loans, makes it easier to organise things that way.

Anyway, what a fucking ramble I have had 🙂 heehhe  and I don’t think I have even said anything much!!

I can’t wait until we have settled into a routine at home, then I will find more time to post and write stuff down!