My husband…the genius…

well…I wasn’t going to call him nasty in the title…but he pretty much laid it out for me tonight and told me to essentially stop being a wanker 🙂

He said some very honest honest things which he thought would hurt my feelings and really they didn’t..but don’t let me lose the pretend high ground ok?  I have nothing else to hold onto after tonight.

It is a very long drive from the inner CBD to our place so it allows a lot of time for discussion, especially in traffic.

The long version is this:

I am afraid I will fail….it doesn’t matter what I want to do, my immediate feeling is I will fail.  I cannot succeed so why bother trying in the first place – it is easier to run myself down and not invest the emotions, money, time etc to any project.  So I have, as most of you would know, start degrees in topics that are completely NOT me simply because – by default – how badly can you fail at something like marketing??  Pretty well – i found out with my first assignment.

I am not someone who wants to spend 4 years writing essays about others people’s ideas or reference their experiences…seems rather dull to me…I don’t want to be marked on what I can prove or disprove in an essay – that shows nothing about my skills as a person or my skills on a computer or with anything else.

So, i have narrowed down my “passions” to a couple of things…photography, baking (pasty/desert chef), an apprenticeship in something along the lines of horticulture/landscaping or acting- something hands on and immediate results are obvious.

Hubby basically said that to do short courses are cheap enough that you could do some, see what the results are and determine if you are still interested after that.  So I have looked into photography to start with and found a 5 week course for $395…nothing fancy but it will give me a great few weeks learning and improving to decide if I have any talent or ability behind a camera.  I am currently throwing around some ideas in my head already for potential coffee table books or clients…but of course….I have to work on that….if you have any feedback about my photography shots now would be the time…they can mostly be found here.

NIDA also has some short courses for acting – expensive ish – but it is NIDA so I am willing to pay the money….Acting was never something I ever really spoke about as a dream because I am so horrible publicly talking/singing etc in front of crowds or people (without large quantitates of alcohol).  But it was always burning in the background.

I am also going to look into dancing as that was always a dream – ask hubby about my dancing movie collection – but I think I am too old…like footballers you get to 25 and they want someone younger…but I am going to find out anyway, and yes…I know I am not exactly the body shape right now…

If I stick to the plan, perhaps by the end of this year I will have done some short courses in all things I really want to do and can decide on a future path for me to take.

Yes this is like the 15 millionth time I have talked about it, but the first time I have ever really done anything about it….I have fixed so many areas of my life this is the one holding me back from really just being completely content.

The short version to sum up:

Hubby says I am an idiot for not believing in myself more, and he has all the faith I need that I can succeed at anything I put my mind to.  So I have to try out things and see what fits….then I can at least make an educated decision about what I enjoy and what I will succeed in.

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Update on my ear

Sorry for all the posting I am doing today/tonight.  I am just really not wanting to get off my new mac 🙂 HAHHAH

I had my post up follow up today for my ear, and the Dr said it is healing very well.  The only problem there is some sponge which has kind of stuck itself to my ear, so now that hehas most of th esponge out, I have to put about 5/6 drops into my ear, 3 times a day in the hopes it dissolves and loosens it better. Fingers crossed really.  Must remember to put some in shortly. Perhaps make a chai to go with it.

I also found out I have some of this sponge behind my ear drum, which will probably take about 3/4 weeks to completely dissolve and explains why I am still not able to hear very well.  I have to admit I can hear better since he took the majority of the sponge out, although I still have trouble if there is too much background noise…very annoying since there is always some sort of noise.

I also did some study tonight and hubby somehow managed to wade through all the crap on the dining table and completely clear it of everything on there. I am so very impressed.  It just means less work for me tomorrow.

I am running errand day tomorrow…I have to go to highpoint, then get the car checked for this ludicrous EPA fine thing, then make some phone calls which have to be during normal business hours of 9-5 (which is difficult at work due to the nature of the office) and then I have to get some groceries for our dinner guests etc and I just decided with a day like that I would just not go into work and take it as unpaid.

Hubby is sitting behind me looking up law degrees and I am so very proud of him for taking the step into investigating this. I really do hope he finds a degree/uni that is suitable. I would love to see him do something he wants to do as a career and not just something he fell into and happens to be good at. let’s face it, as I have said before, he is excellent at anything he does…it drives me mental sometimes, but it just means I have complete confidence in his ability to pick up something like law and make it a successful career. Could be very interesting times ahead if we are both studying degrees!! Imagine exam time…EEEEEK!

Tomorrow is one of my best friends mothers funerals.  I have not responded to her general status updates on fb and such as (and I could be very wrong) she is well aware there is nothing anyone can say that will make this easier for her.  However I know she is a write at heart and so to be updating at least gets it out there for her, whether people respond or not.  She knows we are here for her and she knows the extent to which any of us would go for her at the drop of a hat should she need anything.  I just don’t think it needs repeating and I certainly feel a little selfish for constantly repeating it to her.  Almost like I am saying it to make myself feel better about her feeling so awful….Not sure I explained that very well.  I know tomorrow is going to be truly horrible for her with everything she is going through and it is never nice to bury someone you love (on any level).

If you read this sweety, please just breathe and remember that she is no longer in that body but standing with you, as B will be. Draw on his strength, that’s why we have companions in life and love.

Anyway, I am going to make myself a chai and then sit down and fall asleep on the couch.  I am beat.

 

 

Happy Birthday Hubby

Today we are having a gathering of about 7 people to celebrate hubby’s 30th.  He doesn’t seem all too stressed about aging, but I think it is a milestone and so really pushed that he have some people over 😀

I have made my grasshopper pie, bought some meat for the BBQ and will make a salad.  We have some nibbles as well and I will be unable to drink 😦  However I will be watching everyone else get sloshed and jolly and wishing I was joining them.  I was really looking forward to getting a little tipsy tonight.  Bah humbug is all I have to say 🙂

We will have Eurovision on in the background as it is the second semi final tonight and the grand final tomorrow night. ❤ my eurovision!!!!!  ONE YEAR I WILL GET TO A LIVE SHOW!!!

I have to go and finish the dishes and clean up in the computer room a little more, but otherwise everything is clean and tidy.

Have a great day my love, I hope this year is awesome for you and that we reach some of our goals and that you are happier this year than the last year.  I love you so much and I am thankful that we have shared 10 years together and that we have so many more to share.

surgery

Going into the Eye and Ear hospital tomorrow morning for my ear surgery.  I was on the waiting list and finally got advised last week I would be admitted on my husband’s birthday and then not released until the next day.

I am very sad about this.  It is my husband’s 30th birthday, a big one in my eyes, and I am going to miss the entire thing, and not only that I have to inconvenience him by needing to be at the hospital by 7am.  My mum has offered her place for tonight and she will drop me in, however hubby wants me there on his birthday morning…even if it is only for a few moments 🙂

I am grateful I gave him his birthday presents before his day now, as I would not have been there to enjoy it anyway.  I got him a Yankee’s Jersey from New York – with Rivera’s name on the back (one of his favourite players) and since Easter when I gave it to him, I think I have seen him out of it once!!  I also bought him a subscription to a monthly whiskey club.  You get a whiskey a month to try out and there is no obligation to buy.  Check it out if you have any whiskey loving friends out there…. Singlemalt Club and the last present I bought him was an iPad2.  He even did a little happy dance when he got it, but he was so excited to finally have one.  He has been wanting one since the first ones came out and we just haven’t been able to afford it! So I got him a snap on cover and the free engraving on it as well.

So I think I did relatively well on the birthday present front for his 30th and I am kind of hoping that makes up for my absence on the actual day.

I am going to have all of next week off to recover and then hopefully all back to normal and no deafness….if it goes to plan, I will be able to hear in a weeks time!!!  YAYAYAYAYAY.  I am soooo damn excited at the prospect.  I have to head to the supermarket shortly and do the shopping for the week so I don’t have to go far whilst I am off to find food!