Modelling? LOL

My bestie in Sydney, is having a modelling day with some gorgeous women…and I have been invited…I am wondering whether I can pull it off?  I have never been very photogenic and I am not very comfortable in my current state, however there is one major reason why I am even contemplating this….

to be able to show off down the track.

My friend is a fabulous photographer – she says she still needs to learn to play with shadows (whatever!!) but even without that she manages to capture people on film so beautifully….(not just people, but that is the focus of this shoot). I am a terrible people photographer…I am much better at landscapes and nature….she is amazing…that picture with S on the chair…REOW!!  Still sticks in my mind…I wonder if I can convince her to let me get a print of that….mmmm there’s a thought…would be a great bedroom shot…..above the vanity mirror….maybe I should take my camera and take shots of everything that is non person related 🙂 that os my talent…HAHAH

anyway, tangent there….

I would be able to look at these photos and feel sexy I am sure, but it also means in say 12 months, I could ask her to do more shots of me (hopefully skinnier) and then more again later, that would chart my progress so to speak.  They could show the internal change as I am sure it would be possible to see a change in expression over time with regards to be comfortable in front of a camera….

Either way I am honoured to be invited and I really hope I don’t chicken out at the thought….

The other thing to note about this shoot, and I really want to support her with this, is because this is the first one since her mother passed and I think it shows she is getting her footing back into something resembling normal life and I want to be there to support that.

Regrets – Metropole and best friends :D

This post is aimed at someone who will probably not read this, indeed, I would be surprised so I am going to open this up to the public and poor out everything here.  It is a long boring post about the one thing that has weighed on my mind as a regret since, well, for over 13 years now.  I can’t believe it has even been that long.  I am hoping that if I put it out there, perhaps it will give me some sort of closure and perhaps I can finally let it go and not have it in the back of my mind.

If you want to read on please do so, but I warn you – I have embedded some videos and it is a boring waffle!!  eheheh

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Another Year comes to a close

How Cliched!

These are the things I have achieved this year :

Left my employer!

Started a Degree

Sold Glenroy (YUCKY HOUSE)/Bought in Kyneton (AWESOME HOUSE)

Lost 3 kg’s (have put them back on somewhere though)

Started an exercise program of some sort

Bought hubby his Utilikilt – only 3 years late

Started running more rituals at our place

Cooked Scones that worked

Started photography – may be terrible at it, but at least I am doing it.

Most of the things I have started – I have done since we moved to Kyneton.  I am not sure what it is about this place, but it makes me want to improve and achieve and do things.  I like that feeling and I like wanting to do more with my life.  I will never be a professional photographer or chef or painter, but you know anything artistic lets me have some outlet.

So what do I want to achieve in this next year, let’s not call them resolutions, let’s just call them achievements…

Weightloss….in 12 months time I want to be pretty close to my goal of being half my size – no idea if that is even possible – but you have to have goals.

In all honesty I can’t think of anything else I really want to work on right now 🙂  Just the other usual things you know, health, happiness and a job 🙂 hehehe  Hopefully that last one will not take me too long once the new year kicks in….There haven’t been many new jobs online since Dec 16…So places really did just stop looking.

I hope all my friends and family have a wonderful night tonight and that this next year brings you more joy, happiness and patience 🙂  I hope all your wishes are granted and that it is a better year than this one has been.

Love you all.

Hugs and kisses!


Busy day today :D

I have lots to do today, not sure I am going to fit it all in 😀

I have to go to the post office and pickup two parcels, go to the butcher and grab some meat for the impromptu BBQ we are having tonight, stop past woolies and get some salad stuffs, go past the baker as well.

I then have to come home, clean the bathroom, vacuum (yes with out new shiny vacuum cleaner 😀 ehehhehe) and clean up the dining table as it is covered instuff….I may acyually have to dust the lounge as well, which I will do before I vacuum.

After all that is done, I want to go for a walk again today and get some exercise in, the walk yesterday only took an hour, I just have to get started 😀 Might clean the house now before the shops are open then I am mostly done. It’s all about time management yes? LOL

All the things I am grateful for

I was going to title this – “All the things I take for granted”  but I am hoping that I don’t actually do that so instead I want to pay omage to the things I am grateful for.

1 – Hubby.  There are just not enough words to describe how lucky I am to have him.  He has supported me for 10 years, 3 of those were the roughest years I hope we will ever experience.  I was at magma bottom and I wanted to kill myself, he was there to keep me propped up, he has been a guiding light in my life and I have no idea how or if  I would be the person I am trying to become had it not been for him. He has supported me in resigning from the hellhole and has given me complete choice in every aspect.  I know i don’t tell him enough that I love him, that he is my world, but I think it and I feel it every day – maybe one day I will be able to express it better.

2 – Certain friends – there are maybe 3 people in my life that I owe a lot too.  A lot of time, advice, hugs and friendship; a cumulative span of over 30 years.  I may not speak to them every week, but I feel that when we do communicate there is more than just fluff there.  I am grateful I have a few people that make my life feel more important.

3 – Faith.  I am glad I have my faith, my beliefs, my practice.  I may whinge about the public face of it and the childish behaviours of some, but overall I am glad I have found something I feel an affinity for. I am thankful that I have something I can turn to when I need a moment to recoup.

4 – My pets.  They are insane, excitable and utterly intolerable but i love them to bits. I miss them when we are out and friends places, i love watching them do silly things, run around like maniacs, play fight and I miss them when they are not coming up asking for pats.  They are always there wanting your attention and love and no matter what you do they will always think you are part of the pack.


Time for a quick update…so much has been going on

Firstly, I got really sick over the weekend and went to work on Monday, altough I probably shouldn’t have.  i was running a fever and felt sore all over…suffice it to say I have spent the last 2 days sleeping and trying to recover….can’t seem to shake this headache though…probably have not been drinking enough water in all honesty.

Secondly, I missed out on the L and D role – there was a stronger candidate, I was unable to receive any feedback as I was very strong in my interview and there was nothing they could fault (again).  However the lady I spoke to today advised there is a second position and she is going to speak to the manager about it and see if they want me to slot into that role…I am waiting on a call back about that.

Thirdly, hubby came home and said he wanted to start playing WoW again, that someone got him all interested.  So we have taken it back up in a casual capacity – ie…no raiding at this stage aside from random pugging, with that in mind I have started up my WoW blog again so I don’t drown this one with crap.  is the link for that 🙂  Yes I have changed it again.  New times need new blogs if you ask me 😀

Fourthly (is that even a word) someone who was very dear to me has gotten back in contact with me and I am confused and scared, so I am just taking that one easy and seeing where it leads. Yes I find it hard to move past being hurt…so sue me….I am just being careful not to get attached and emotionally involved at this stage 😀 TRYING anyway!!

That is all for the minute 😀

Bits and pieces

We went out for dinner last night with some friends that we haven’t seen for ages…was very very nice food and was yummy as all hell!!  We didn’t get home until about 10.00 and I was so tired I went straight to bed, so I didn’t get any exercise done last night.

However I took a picture of the cut in my shoulder from my bra strap…og yes, it is nastier than I originally thought it was:)

Go me!!

We are going to a friends place for dinner and movies tongiht as well, so not sure we are going to get anything done tonight, however tomorrow morning when we get up I am going to harass hubby for a karate lesson and then some skipping to make up for two bad days of nothing 😀

I also bought new sneakers last night whilst wandering the city – was an unexpected purchase but they are comfy and will probably help with the skipping/walking as my old sneakers were just that….old….I honestly can’t even remember when I bought them.

Thanks to one of my best mates as well, I am going to be investing in some new sports bra thingies, which will be the bet part…just have to sit down next pay and work out what ones I need/want etc and take some measurements etc and hope they have something that fits 😀

My interview went really well yesterday – well I think it did, I am supposed to find out early next week whether I am going to be offered the job or not.  I think I gave some really awesome answers to the questions and I think I asked some really good questions in the interview….So my fingers are crossed pretty tightly that I may have done well enough in this interview to impress them 🙂  MY GOD I HOPE SO!!!!

Did I mention we cancelled liteneasy?  Yeah not my style and certainly not going to pay for food that is rotting…refer to attached tomato…not sure if you can see the fuzziness starting to grow on the top there – it is a bad piccie after all, but I am not paying 160 a week to have fuzzy tomatoes sent to me…I don’t care how fussy people think I am being I won’t eat food that is satrting to rot in this day and age 😀  This was just ONE of the pieces of food that was rotting, I didn’t take a picture of the mandarin or the other tomato which was inedible….I probably should have :/

ooooh updates :)

Friday night was fun, had drinkies and great conversation and the food turned out ok as well which was a great bonus 🙂

Yesterday we spent it watching movies, we were just too tired to do anything else AND we had heavy raid all day that we didn’t really feel like doing  much except staying home in the warmth 😀  We watched Zombieland, adventureland, daybreakers and whip it.

I am guessing whip it is the movie causing all the roller derby hype at the moment (we know 4 people that have taken it up or are heading into try outs), but was a good movie, so was daybreakers (a couple of sequels incoming for that I think) and Zombieland was a crackup…enjoyed it immensely 😀  Adventureland was a little “meh”….

Today I am not sure we have any plans, perhaps going to the movies if we can find anything on that we want to watch….

day 3 without hubby

Co-dependant, yup…I am…I can admit it 😀

I have tried to do some cleaning tonight, but well, I kind of failed…sort of…I did nowhere near as much as I had hoped, however I did do the shopping for the fortnight and came in under budget so far.

I am meeting up with a good friend tomorrow evening at about 5.30, so depending on how long we hang out I may be home in time to do the mopping/vacuuming as planned.  Even if I am not I may just have to bite the bullet and do it…

Friday night I have my good friends coming over for dinner/drinkies, hence why i want to have mostly everything cleaned, and yes I could be cleaning instead of updating my blog but surely I can have a few minutes rest before I do the dishes and start Mr sheening quickly before bed?

Today at work I realised that some people are just incapable of coming up with realistic methods of handling problems…creating groups within a team to allocate work and function as mini teams is not what I would consider a good move especially considering there are people already employed with that as part of their job description AND who get paid 10k more to do said job….meh whatever…33 days to go….that’s all I need to keep thinking 😀

I am feeling a little depressed tonight to be really honest, I do tend to do that when left to my own devices for a couple of days…I guess I don’t have enough things to distract me from it….

I have done no exercise at all this week, I have just been too tired….

speaking of tired, I may head to bed soon.  Am guessing hubby is still with friends otherwise I would have heard from him. I am driving into the city tomorrow as well so I might have a slight sleep in and leave here at 6.15am, which means I should – in theory – get to work by 7.15am barring traffic issues, I will wait up until 11 though just in case 😀

home on the range

Day 2 of hubby being in Sydney and I am over it already….I am bored, soooo bored..

I also had an ADO today which doesn’t help the boredom as I have been home alone all day doing pretty much SFA.  I baked muffins ( I will update my cooking blog with piccies soon – maybe tomorrow to be honest)  and I did a little cleaning up as I have some friends coming over on Friday night and I am not really going to get much of a chance to tidy up everything I want before they get here on friday evening.

I am finding my anxiety is slightly higher today, and can feel my heart beating really fast in my chest….has been like this all day, am sitting on the edge of my seat waiting to jump and scream at any second.  I am trying to keep myself calm, but sometimes it is just a little difficult.  I have been handling my PTSD really well the last few months, I have managed to get a focus point happening and so it is not overly intruding in my life, but when hubby is not around I find it really hard.  Catching the train tomorrow is going to be very difficult and indeed the thought has me almost in tears.  I will have one of my best friends there though, so am considering catching the earlier train home in the afternoon as well (my best friend will be on that one as well).  Might be the safest thing to do as our train gets awfully full and there is generally people standing up.

I found an iphone app that counts down as well, so i plugged in my resignation date and i can track it in seconds/minutes/days/hours etc…lol awesome fun 🙂

Really finding it hard to decide what I want to do in a months time….but in the end I think I will just look for work near here and do uni/tafe at night time…I am not too keen on losing too much money to be honest….not when we have just started getting back on track….I will do more thinking about that 😀