Getting back in the game

The last couple of weeks I have been trying to get my head back in the game. Not be such a whinging little cow and make my life mean something to me again.

I am not telling my friends and family about this (aside from those who read this of course) as I don’t want to fail again in their eyes.

Because I don’t have a GPA at the moment with the one HD and 3 fails, I have decided to enrol back into study – I am not going to enrol into a degree at this stage, just a module at a time.  I will try as much as possible to stick with the one university and the one degree course for the modules.

I am currently looking at doing science. I know – another change – however as I said to hubby a few nights ago…I never really considered science seriously because I don’t feel that I am smart enough.  From a chemistry standpoint, I certainly am not. However I loved biology, genetics, and cells in high school  From my recollection I did quite well on those projects. Perhaps my mother will remember better than I do.

I also had quite a few career choices I was interested in that were science based like Vet, Nurse, CSIRO research etc..I remember those desires vividly. Why did I let them fall by the wayside – because I wasn’t good at chemistry? Seems silly to me now.  I think I thought all science was the same and really it isn’t is it?

Anyway, I can do intro science, see how i like it, see what happens.  The modules I looked at all have Melbourne based on campus learning for one week of the study period, mornings only, so I can manage that with no extra money for flights etc.

I want to make my parents proud, I want to make my hubby proud, I want to make myself proud.  I am not a dole bludger welfare mother, so yes I could be proud of that fact, but I want more from my life and I am the only one who is going to be able to get it.

I have not yet enrolled as I still freak out every few days about my cockiness – who in the hell do I think I am?  Me – do science…please, it would be like watching a horse trying to waltz!!  Anyway, I am working through those thoughts 🙂

Next, a blogging friend, who I have been following for a while now, has done me something that has given me such a boost of love and confidence.  There are a few of us in the WoW blogosphere that are in love with Chibis. They are cute little characters drawings of our in game toons.  They are so gorgeous you honestly want to just die.  Think of the cat from Puss in Boots with the big round eyes cute 🙂  Anyway, I have made comment a few times on how wonderful they are…I will get one ordered soon! Well I have a few toons I would love to get a couple done.  In the end she told me last night – she had one ordered for me!!  OMG! I don’t know which of my toons, likely my mage, but honestly I was floored!

It has made me feel so special that she has got one ordered for me. I really can’t put it into words how special.  I must do something to repay the kindness she has shown me.  Once I receive it, I have to make a lovely post, but I can’t formulate words correctly at the moment, I don’t know of anything that I could do which would say how I really feel about it.  It is more than just a chibi to me.

 

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Anger and Failure

I got angry last night, first night in a while I was angry…so very angry with hubby….we went for a walk – aiming to do this running in 2 months thing happening, and when I got back I did a vlog – for about 1 minute – not even and then hubby advised not to mention him in my blogs….

Considering they get sent to 3 of our friends, which I explained, he didn’t care – I was really put on the back foot.  I don’t know why or what his issue with it is considering I have been blogging about things since 2003, he has been mentioned many many times….

I am confused, hurt and annoyed by this, but in the end they are his wishes, so this will be the last blog with him mentioned in it.  I will no longer be blogging about him, and therefore I will probably not be blogging alot as I tend to mention him a fair bit.

Onto other things I am already having a bad day, my S-mum said she would be at work early today, it’s 10:17 – and she is not here, I had some woman just ring saying she has sent photos to S-mum’s phone and can she please call back and we are out of paper in the office.  So I try to get hold of S-mum – she wasn’t planning on coming into the office today, her phone is flat and her charger is at her holiday house….so she got short with me when I said that I had no paper and that I didn’t get the ladies number because I figured she would SMS her back….

I am sick and tired of this….really…I am not in the mood today….especially when she was going to stay home so she could do some washing….how is it MY FAULT – you told some woman to sms you when your phone was flat – how is it my fault you won’t let me order stationary and how is it my fault you leave your charger at the holiday house therefore forcing you to come to work and buy another charger…

I feel like i have had PMS for the last 3 weeks straight – I am always on the edge of irritable and annoyed and feel like snapping all the time….I am not happy about it….

Blogging, resume, work and stuff

General update as I have been a busy beaver the last few days.

My new and improved resume is almost done.  I have been taking a beating with it and I am telling myself repeatedly to sell myself.  So be prepared for a shock when you read this – it may actually sound impressive.  If I email it to you – please feel free to ask to see my old one so you can see the obvious improvements…..I am really happy with it so far….and I still have a few things to change – especially the formatting – I am not happy with that – but I am not focused on that as yet.

Work is chugging along, nothing much has changed there, I am hoping to have another job before Xmas – I know it will stuff up any chance of having holidays if I change then, but I would rather be able to move into a new year knowing I am somewhere that I like (fingers crossed hey?!)

I briefly closed own my blogs due to some harassment I was receiving.  I have decided to just ignore the idiots that feel it is ok to say nasty things and call me names.  I have my friends and they will tell me all I need to know, and in the end – if I want to whinge on my own damn web space, I will fucking whinge, and I will rant and I will scream, and laugh and be manic and you know what???  No one can stop me.  I guess, I decided I didn’t really care who reads this space or others, I don’t blog for the public, I make it public as may be someone drops past and makes a connection with something I say, but I am not bucking for readers, or followers.  I am just putting my thoughts out there for people to enjoy or ignore as they see fit.  I lost that somewhere.  I won’t ever make posts public that I have put things into that i wouldn’t actually say to people.

I am sorry for the hassle and the change of mind, but I enjoy blogging and I enjoy having it out there for others to connect to.  So I decided to change the layouts whilst they were private 😀

I have been harassing the hubby to write me this blog post about the changes he has seen and as yet, no luck…he keeps avoiding it…maybe I am not changed like I think I am..wouldn’t that be embarrassing??  hrmmm, might have to ask him about that today 🙂

I am also playing with studio lighting etc at home, but am finding it really difficult to get the hang of my camera – you know…I just kind of suck at the whole remember technical details…I really need to spend some time just trying to improve my recall abilities….

Other than that – my exercise comes and goes as you can tell on my other blog, but I am trying to do something every second day if nothing else….since I am home today, I want to do a workout and a bike ride…here’s hoping!

Anyway, back to my resume now….I have to get this finished so I can start applying for jobs.