Anger management

I have been writing very little still as most of it is not publishable in my eyes.

I have been doing badly with the anger management the last few days (perhaps a week). I have been feeling snappy and irritable, I have advised hubby and anyone around me at the time – and I have made a concerted effort to not let it get the better of me as I am at least now aware of it…but it is just so frustrating to be constantly battling with things that are making me stressed enough to feel snappy.

I know my work is a major part in that – as much as I love my father, he has a temper like a wounded bull and I am not used to working in an environment where people yell constantly about everything  – I hated my old job – everyone knows that – but compared to this – it was a relative heaven of peace and quiet.

I have basically been told to work 4 days a week – one day as unpaid – and so that has dropped our income even further below what we need to live.  They basically can’t afford to pay me – and I am by no means earning all that much…this is also weighing on my mind as I seem incapable of finding other employment to bring our income back up to a more managable level.  I seriously just want to cry – but can’t because I want to be strong and put the brave face that everything is ok and that I have it much better than a large percentage of the population….but…let’s face it…this is my reality and I have to deal with the fact that we are sort of screwed financially because I am  unemployable.

We are heading to Tassie tomorrow and I am not sure we should really be going as we are cutting it fine with money, but no refunds are available.  I had forgotten in all my calculations we needed to get the car serviced as it was almost 7k over (especially before travelling around Tassie) and that chopped $550 out of our budget for the trip.

I have asked hubby to write a post about the changes he has seen in me and my anger management so I can have an objective view.  He has sort of agreed but not really yet…so I will have to pin him down on that 😀

I want to get into exercise, but I am so physically and mentally drained from work that I don’t have anything left when I get home. Viscious cycle.

I really can’t be bothered writing any more as it just makes me depressed.  So I am going to stop here before the tears start and can’t be stopped.

Treading water

I have done a few posts lately and then just not finished them or have kept them private – there is all together too much whinging, anger and emo in them.

I am feeling overall, positive about everything – but beneath it is the lurking suspicion that I am not really aware of reality.  I have my version of reality and everyone else is in another one.  I have to some how deal with this issue as it is causes problems in my own life.

I am still applying for jobs and harrassing the recruitment agencies I am listed with – of the 3 of them – I have made a phone call a week to the recruiter and have been lucky to get a return phone call in 2 weeks.  I am becoming increasingly assured that recruiters don’t actually do any work or that I am completely unemployable.  Since I know I can work, and have done in the past – I can only assume the first statement is therefore true.

Hubby is telling me to keep my chin up and that it will work out – he went through a bad unemployment spell before landing his current employer so he remembers how it feels.  It is just so disheartening to not even be given interviews – not even at agences either when I apply for jobs or ring them about sending my resume through….just complete silence even when I have been calling them.

It is hard.  So hard.  With the amount of jobs out there and the unemployment rate so low how can it be so hard to get a job?  I don’t think I will ever understand how they come up with figures that are so obviously distorted.

We have AWC in a couple of weeks, so a few days in Tassie might give me a little re-charge in batteries.  It will be nice to get away from everything here and not worry about things.  Hubby managed to get a two week break basically at the same time, he hasn’t had a proper long break in a very long time so it will be very good for him.

My plan to lose weight before my next birthday is not going anywhere – I have discovered though – I need to go to be by 10pm to be able to get up at 5am without too much issue….but it is the going to bed at 10 I am struggling with.  I just lose so much time travelling that I stay up later to feel that I have some semblence of time.

So this weekend I am going to try it out..I want to get up at 5.30 and see if I can do a good workout in 30 minutes therefore allowing me time to get through the shower and ready to leave by 6.30 at the absolute latest.  That’s my plan anyway 😀

I better run anyway, since I am at work – I am sure going to get a few phone calls etc so don’t have time to type 😀  BYE