Anger and Failure

I got angry last night, first night in a while I was angry…so very angry with hubby….we went for a walk – aiming to do this running in 2 months thing happening, and when I got back I did a vlog – for about 1 minute – not even and then hubby advised not to mention him in my blogs….

Considering they get sent to 3 of our friends, which I explained, he didn’t care – I was really put on the back foot.  I don’t know why or what his issue with it is considering I have been blogging about things since 2003, he has been mentioned many many times….

I am confused, hurt and annoyed by this, but in the end they are his wishes, so this will be the last blog with him mentioned in it.  I will no longer be blogging about him, and therefore I will probably not be blogging alot as I tend to mention him a fair bit.

Onto other things I am already having a bad day, my S-mum said she would be at work early today, it’s 10:17 – and she is not here, I had some woman just ring saying she has sent photos to S-mum’s phone and can she please call back and we are out of paper in the office.  So I try to get hold of S-mum – she wasn’t planning on coming into the office today, her phone is flat and her charger is at her holiday house….so she got short with me when I said that I had no paper and that I didn’t get the ladies number because I figured she would SMS her back….

I am sick and tired of this….really…I am not in the mood today….especially when she was going to stay home so she could do some washing….how is it MY FAULT – you told some woman to sms you when your phone was flat – how is it my fault you won’t let me order stationary and how is it my fault you leave your charger at the holiday house therefore forcing you to come to work and buy another charger…

I feel like i have had PMS for the last 3 weeks straight – I am always on the edge of irritable and annoyed and feel like snapping all the time….I am not happy about it….

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Bah humbug

I haven’t really been writing much lately, because I just seem to have nothing worthwhile to say 🙂 The only really noteworthy thing that has happened is the bank stuffed up and sent our renewal visa debit card to our old address, someone nicked it out of the mailbox and then proceeded to use it:

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Too god damn emotional….

I don’t really remember when my temper started getting the better of me, i don’t remember always feeling the wrath boiling under the surface.  I know it happened some time in my teenage years but I am not sure when.

There was a lot that happened in my 18 – 20 years bracket and I wonder if that whole section of time just fills me with an anger that can’t be sated.  I explode at the drop of a hat and with no warning.  I don’t even have time enough to think about my reactions because by the time i realise I have exploded, I can’t do anything to stop it.

Hubby and I had a very good discussion about this the other night, hence my post to twitter that I am going to get it under control, and not two days later I have already failed and lost my temper 4 times today that I can easily remember.  I chided myself afterwards for getting angry, hence why I actually remember the four things.

Each time, I was angry because of other objects or creatures (human included) getting in the way and causing me extra hassle.  I don’t like extra hassle I have decided. I like things to work, straight away with no complications, I like people listening to me and doing what they are told, I like being in control at all times and I like knowing things will be exactly as I left them when I return.

I have to get this under control.

But now – I have to go and do a workout and perhaps get rid of some of that aggression 🙂  I have done 2 hours of uni work – and achieved very little (I have not done any more on my assignment due in 5 days), and now i just feel I need to move my fat arse off this chair!!!

One of those days

Ever had one of those days where everything you do or touch gets fucked up.  That is me today 🙂

I can’t get my pc to do a zip file, I can’t load my website to submit my assignment, I can’t log into a site I wanted to get into, I spilt coffee all over myself, someone (who shall remain nameless) put the pegs on top of the washing machine so whilst on the spin cycle they went everywhere, i created a new email for job hunting and couldn’t get that set up on my phone and well many other things today happened.

Hubby has been telling me to calm down all day and so far it has just not worked.

So I cracked the shits and went for a workout, thought maybe some exercise might help release some happy high….found out all the songs on my iphone have been wiped at some point, so went to plug it back in but my computers won’t connect with Synergy so I can’t access my Itunes to update it.

Almost threw my phone and decided to stream radio – except they streamed nothing but advertisements for the 5 minutes I was jogging, so I stopped jogging and turned my phone off.  I continued my workout in silence.

I am waiting for the high to kick in but I actually have a headache now and I am wondering if I am dehydrated.  So I will be going to grab my water bottle when i finish this post and I will drink as much of that as I can 😀

Yup – ONE OF THOSE DAYS!!!!

And then I nearly posted this to my gaming blog!!!!  AARRGGGHHHH!!!!

Security measures – Just a rant :D

I have honestly had enough of society.  I am sick to death of the multiple levels of security we have to go through every fucking day, because – like today – I didn’t update my  mobile on one of my banking sites and now I don’t have access to my funds because they need to send me something via post.

Even after I answered all their security questions and verification……tell me whats the point of having a verification process  if that means you still don’t know who I am…..

I wanted to withdraw some funds from my savings just to cover us, however they send an SMS code – to my old phone….so I wanted that updated…..can’t do it.  You can verify it is me, but you can’t verify it is me because I didn’t list a home or work number?  They would call me back on those numbers…..well sorry to tell you but I am not working – so I have no work number and I didn’t have a home phone at the time we signed up for the account….so um…..pretty stupid confirmation method if you ask me….

So she has to mail me the code…..MAIL IT TO ME!!!!  SNAIL FUCKING MAIL!!!!!!!  How about email to the address I use to log in every time – no someone could have access to that as well………..SERIOUSLY?@?@??@@?@

I DON”T WANT FUCKING SMS ALERTS AND BULLSHIT!!!!!!!  I Don’t want to be delayed when i want to do things, I already waited 5 days for the funds to even fucking appear in my account – now I have to wait 5 days for the snail mail to turn up and then I have to wait another 5 days for the money to transfer back….

I am closing the account.

I am sick to death of this stuffing about you have to do everywhere you go.  Anytime you call people you have to have a passcode or secret question or remember your last transaction…..I can’t remember my own fucking birthday half the time and you want me to remember how many different passcodes etc??

If people (humans, society, wankers) weren’t such dickheads and let their stuff get stolen we wouldn’t be in the situation we are in now – IRL or online. Watch your fucking handbag/wallets – scan your pc for virus’ – stop looking up porn and don’t open emails from people you don’t know…..GRAAAAHHHHHH

Hubby would tell me not to get angry at something I can’t control, I get angry because I am sick and tired of the constant bullshit and I don’t understand why I have to be inconvenienced – yes it is all about me!!  OMG. I think I need to restart this life scenario….play it over again with a better outcome…..

 

Meltdown

2 days ago, on the 26th, I had a complete and total meltdown. i was slamming doors, throwing tanties and balling my eyes out hysterically.

Hubby the calmness that he is was trying to find out what was wrong and I kept saying “I don’t know!”, well yelling at no one in particular really, tears streaming down my face.  So I went into the bedroom, crawled under the blankets and cried.

Hubby walked in and started stroking me….he always knows what to do in what situations….after a few minutes he pipes up and says something – I have no idea what it was now – but i just remember crying at him and saying that he was going to leave me coz I am mental…..he laughed and then I laughed…and well…he reckoned I was being very hormonal….turns out he was right!

Mr Grumpy turned up today and explains quite nicely why I have been angry, and retarded this last few days…well angrier than usual and I had absolutely no way to control myself.  I have been so irregular the last year I just have no idea what PMT is anymore or if I am just constantly suffering it.

Hubby is my rock. I really would be absolutely lost without him.  He is the calm to my thunderstorm and I honestly would not have made it to where I am today if not for him. I love him so much.

Fail, fail and more fail!

Fail day today, idiots everywhere and people making my life difficult….just one of those days….

I did no exercise yesterday as my legs a re too sore and I really should give them time to heal, I will do my weights and push ups today and maybe start some sit ups, but I want to give my poor legs a rest….

I am grumpy and in need of chocolate….Mr Grumpy might be getting close………