Moving forward

I have enrolled in Uni, I start in August 🙂

I am doing Intro to Chemistry as I have to have basic chem to do any science courses.  I am nervous as hell. I can do it though.  I have more than enough nerdy science friends that could tutor me and indeed even my mother!

I can get it done!  This will be the start of increasing my GPA.

I also start karate next week – Monday in fact. So I will be doing uni study before classes start it’s a good way of utilizing my time 😀 as I have 2 hours to waste before classes start and when I finish work.

The only issue being i will have to spend sunday cooking as many pre-meals as possible I think as it will just get too hard to cook both and lunch and dinner for Monday and Thursdays the night before or morning of.

Due to my weightloss I am able to fit into my suit again – so job interviews are back on the table!!  WOOT!

My business idea is still churning around i my head.  I have to go and buy some material this fortnight and start sewing. Then asking friends if they want things made so I can build a portfolio up and then creating a web profile for it. I don’t want to give away too much because I don’t want to risk losing the idea 🙂

 

JUST CANT GET A BREAK

So annoyed right now, applied for a junior underwriter position – decided to call now to confirm they received my application, they had sort of…it wasn’t there but was apparently…

THEN

they want someone with commercial insurance experience….WELL REALLY – WHY NOT PUT THAT IN THE FUCKING ADVERT YOU DUMBARSES!!!!

Why am I unemployed when I am so much better then these arses out there?  news.com.au and theage.com.au have both has typing errors in their news articles recently which annoys me….I know I can’t type and i post with errors – but I am not a journalist and generally I am ranting and i don’t get paid to make sure I can proofread things correctly!

I also am able to type up appropriate job adverts so as to not waste 2 hours of my night retyping a god damn resume to be appropriate to the fucking position.  Nor am I incapable of learning how commercial insurance works vs personal….insurance is not that different across areas..no it really isn’t…

So over it right now!

On a upbeat note – i am getting a new domain tomorrow for my weightloss blog and perhaps my gaming blog.  I may make my personal blog part of my weightloss blog although I think that can be boring for some people….not sure yet….Either way I am excited about spending the weekend updating my blogs and just having a play.

 

really?…

Some days I should just not get out of bed.

I was actually  a little annoyed by the time I got home yesterday because I spent the entire afternoon picking at a scab, as it were, and running things over in my head repeatedly.

The situation…..

I don’t work fulltime, as far as I know because they can’t really afford to pay me, so I work 4 days a week and sacrifice a days pay – so…yesterday afternoon I had to help my S-mum pay $1052 for a pendant.   That’s almost 12 weeks pay for that extra day I could work….and I know it doesn’t sound a lot, but then neither does the contemplation of dropping $40k on jewellery – but not being able to pay me…

What’s even weirder is that she is now trying to get a part time job somewhere else to help them pay out their tax…nvm the one month holiday to the US they are taking next month…..

Yes, I thought about this all evening and it just made me sad….I got over the annoyance and was just sad about it.  Sad for her, sad for dad…pitying them I suppose….

Anger and Failure

I got angry last night, first night in a while I was angry…so very angry with hubby….we went for a walk – aiming to do this running in 2 months thing happening, and when I got back I did a vlog – for about 1 minute – not even and then hubby advised not to mention him in my blogs….

Considering they get sent to 3 of our friends, which I explained, he didn’t care – I was really put on the back foot.  I don’t know why or what his issue with it is considering I have been blogging about things since 2003, he has been mentioned many many times….

I am confused, hurt and annoyed by this, but in the end they are his wishes, so this will be the last blog with him mentioned in it.  I will no longer be blogging about him, and therefore I will probably not be blogging alot as I tend to mention him a fair bit.

Onto other things I am already having a bad day, my S-mum said she would be at work early today, it’s 10:17 – and she is not here, I had some woman just ring saying she has sent photos to S-mum’s phone and can she please call back and we are out of paper in the office.  So I try to get hold of S-mum – she wasn’t planning on coming into the office today, her phone is flat and her charger is at her holiday house….so she got short with me when I said that I had no paper and that I didn’t get the ladies number because I figured she would SMS her back….

I am sick and tired of this….really…I am not in the mood today….especially when she was going to stay home so she could do some washing….how is it MY FAULT – you told some woman to sms you when your phone was flat – how is it my fault you won’t let me order stationary and how is it my fault you leave your charger at the holiday house therefore forcing you to come to work and buy another charger…

I feel like i have had PMS for the last 3 weeks straight – I am always on the edge of irritable and annoyed and feel like snapping all the time….I am not happy about it….

Too hot

It’s too hot for me today, I can’t sleep.  So thought I would get up and post, see if it makes any difference to my state of being.

It got to 34 degrees today and is currently approx 25 degrees, we are about 20 minutes away from the nearest weather station thing, so how far off the temp is I have no idea.  I am not a hot – or even warm – weather kind of person.  I do not cope well at all.

Anyway, I am back to work on Thursday, tomorrow being my last day on holidays and it is going to be a pretty full on day. I have a guy coming at 9am to quote us one getting security/fly screens on our doors – but the girl i booked it through reckons $600 EACH door is a bare minimum….not fucking likely thanks..I will learn how to if that is the case.

I was going to get my nails fixed, but will move that appointment to the weekend, as I have to take the new Dad to have hid driving license test. My fingers are crossed for him as this will be his third attempt I think.  They say that’s the charm right? Apparently his instructor double booked himself or something and mum can’t get the arvo off work, so I am it 🙂  Lucky for them I am still on holidays. :p  So hopefully he can stick some P plates on his car tomorrow afternoon 🙂

I also officially applied to UNE today. Honestly, I was going to go through melbourne Uni, but I had to wait until next year to start German with them as I have missed this years admission and mid year intake does not have German 101 basically.  I also had to sit a STAT test for Melb uni, which I could not find accurate information about anywhere and every time I tried to call I would get shuffled from one area to another….seems no one really knows about Mature age entry STATs….anyway it just seemed all to hard.  I can’t be bothered dancing to tunes that have no flow.

I don’t know when i find out if I have been accepted, I assume I just get an email when and if it does not doesn’t happen.  In the mean time I am going to try and find some sites or G+ groups for people learning german.  It will help to some degree I am sure 😀

There are other things appending with family that I can’t/don’t want to post about until we know more.

Not much else has really been happening really, just general life and day to day things.

Photography

I am toying with the idea of setting up a very basic website for my photography.  I have realised this last few months that I am not very good at photography that involves people….for some reason I cannot get a clean shot…however with my abstract and  landscape/macro stuff I think I get fucking awesome images…so I will just be focusing on that 🙂  I am not really wanting to make a living out of it, but it would be nice if people actually bought anything I shot…just because they liked it….I am not really sure I want to start paying for some of the fancy sites out there, when in the end – I am not really even going to try and make money out of it….Not sure though….it has just been something in the back of my mind.

At the moment, I am just going through all my images and placing a name tag on them…I know most of the time people can remove it if they are really keen, but it is just nice knowing it is on there and perhaps if people start seeing a name – subconsciously it will be remembered?  LOL….Mind you my images are nothing like the stuff I have seen….there are some brilliant photographers out there, and I mean jaw droppingly fantabulous photos are being produced….but you know – there are some fucking awful ones as well 😀  Each person likes a different style and with how many billion people in the world…potentially at least one person will like my images enough to buy one of them…providing I can get it out there enough 🙂  Well that’s my theory!

I was going through my images from Xmas and am a little disappointed actually as a lot of them are grainy…and I am not sure why…my camera is a pretty good quality one and I am baffled..it isn’t like they are out of focus…or maybe they are and it comes out grainy…i don’t know…but some were crystal clear; so perhaps it was just the focus….anyway I suck at people shots as I try to capture things without waiting the 3 seconds to focus…but the moment could be gone….gAHH!

So, I am currently just adding things to my G+ account, and I may make another photography circle; I deleted the last one as I was so despondent about everything and I figured I would never take another photo again, but Xmas Day and Boxing Day has made me realise how much I enjoy doing it….so I am just going to keep it in the back and let people enjoy or dislike my stuff as they see fit.  The important thing is that “I” get pictures that I like and no -one can take that from me 🙂

I wish I could show that kind of resolve in other areas of my life….like Uni etc….I am also join to call Melbourne Uni/VTAC this week and find out about the STAT test I am supposed to sit…..not that Melbourne Uni is the one I have to go to…however it does have a very awesome Arts program AND it is one of the more easy uni’s to get into….it is also very prestigious; I have to admit I really wouldn’t mind saying I finished my degree there…..is that shallow of me?  perhaps….

Anyway, once I speak to them, then I can decide on the work issue….I will keep pushing something like Coles/Woollies if I can get into Uni as I am then able to go to uni full-time (maybe) and still work enough hours somewhere to bring in enough money for us to live on.  I would rather go to uni full time as it will mean a degree will only take me 3 years as opposed to potentially 10…..We shall see though….I have to make phone calls before anything can move forward – at least I have a plan though.

My plan was also to get into a routine with exercise whilst on holidays and I have failed miserably at that.  I have done nothing….Xmas/NYE was very busy though and I just didn’t get a chance to stop…so the last thing I was thinking about was finding time to exercise…and since then all I have done is sit on my butt!  hahaahh  I need to take this next few weeks and make something of it.  But then the last week up where I am has been above 35 eve3ry day and I can barely function in that heat let alone exercise….today is not actually too bad, so I may find the motivation to do something…even if it just the first half of the kickboxing DVD I have.

Psyhic?

I was on the phone to hubby, during which I missed 2 phone calls from a blocked number.  Once I hung up they called again about 40 seconds later and it was the interview I just mentioned.

I didn’t get any of the jobs on offer, however they did pass my paperwork and details onto a store that is closer to where I live and has a vacancy at the moment.

I am devastate but trying to take my hubby’s advice that I need to think of it as a positive as they more than likely just didn’t put me in due to my living location being 40 minutes away.  The recruitment guy said 3 current managers were impressed by me at the group interview and hence why they forwarded it on.

But deep inside it just confirms that I cannot even be employed by a supermarket….I have to move past that though if I am going to have any success at an interview I may be requested to attend next week sometime.

Job hunting is the suck and there has to be a better way of doing this.

Too hard to think of a good title

I am still waiting to hear back from my last interview…they advised roughly 2 weeks before they would respond to people so this week marks 2 weeks since my interview.

I have been trying to remember to have my phone with me and not on silent in the hopes I get that phone call  or email soon.

Christmas is coming up and we have no solid plans as yet except we have to be home for Boxing day BBQ that happens every year at a friends place. Contemplating going to visit the father in law for Xmas weekend – still undecided and if we stay home hubby wants to go to the local botanical garden and have a picnic lunch if weather permits.  His mother will likely have to attend as well.  I have no idea if my mother and her muslim tribe are planning on doing anything – I do normally try and drag  my mother to whatever I am doing for Xmas as I don’t want her to spend it alone, but this year is her first with her tribe and I am not sure what the situation is…I am sure she will tell me in due course 🙂

I am feeliing ok about things mentally, but that is because I know I cannot control anything at the moment except how i feel.  So one day at a time is how I am taking it.

I was chatting to my little sister the other day who is trying to lose weight about the entire thing and she has given me some motivation to want to as well.  BUt honestly, the exhaustion from travelling so much is winning out.  My plan over the Xmas break I am having – the shop closes for a month – is to exercise for at least an hour 2 times a day.

If those people on “the biggest loser” can lose 10kgs a week by excercising all day for 3 months then I am going to give it a darn good attempt as well.  I have a bike and my workout room and I can walk etc as well…but I am hoping that after a solid month I will have started to develop the habit almost and it will be easier to just keep it going…espeiclaly if I have started to actually drop kilo’s.

Anywa, back to work I suppose hey?  It’s been really quiet at work this week. The phones have been dead since the storm on the weekend and they only work when being diverted.

phew…made it

So after a pretty stressful week worrying about finances, we actually came out on top and I also found out that my parents are going to pay me for the holidays over Xmas…not all of them, but a week that I haven’t earned yet – which means, with the week of annual leave I have saved, we will really only be slightly out of kilter….and we can use the credit card.  I won’t be needing to go to work, although hubby will be, so we won’t be saving all that much petrol, but we will be saving money on my train tickets and lunches….

So in the end – we are ok – as always…I didn’t pay any bills thanks to the hot water tank, so I will be doing my best to get to them this fortnight….

But, if nothing else, this has been a lesson with my anger management stuff.  I have found that money stress starts sending me back up the rage-o-meter.  I haven’t been snappy or yelling, but hubby advised last night that I have been grumpy the last week or so (since i discovered the no pay for a month over Xmas thing ), then trying to save and having to spend it all on a new hot water service….just caused me stress.

I have to learn to manage that, but at least I am now aware of what some of my triggers are.

I have resigned myself to the knoweldge that I will be working here for a few more months as I need to pay off my parents anyway for the week of leave they are paying me in advance.  I will apply for the odd job here and there, but I am not focused on it anymore…there is no point really given we are almost in December.

I do have an interview on Saturday – group interview – for Coles….I am not wanting to work for coles again as a check out chick, I do see it as a massive backward step in what was a developing career – however it really depends on where they decide I would fit – it was an open application for all types of jobs, so perhaps manager or assistant manager or even back office roles are up….which would not be a negative and hence why I am going 🙂

Hubby has promised me we can go and see Twilight this weekend as well, I am a little excited about that – although I barely remember the other two movies, I know the books and stories so well that I am not going to have a problem.  Mixed reviews of the movie so I am pretty sure hubby is going to want to kill me for making him sit through it all 🙂  Fingers crossed not everywhere is booked out 😀

time

it’s been a couple of hours since my last post, and I am sinking even further, I am trying to keep my spirits buoyed, but I am fighting a losing battle.

I will be sending my resume through to maccas and KFC soon the rate things are going – something i said I would never ever do…..

I am not entirely sure I should drive myself home today, as I am not thinking clearly, so I am glad I am not coming to work tomorrow.

There is nothing I can say to myself to feel better, all my self talk is completely negative and anything positive I think of is being immediately shot down with negative things that seem to make more sense.

I can’t fight anymore, and I have no more strength…not today….the last few months I have felt myself getting more and more depressed about this whole job situation and I think the phone call this morning was the camel’s back snapping…especially when I have been trying to put a good facade on the situation to ensure people don’t worry about me and my feelings….but the energy I was using to maintain that has run out…

GAH