Photography

I am toying with the idea of setting up a very basic website for my photography.  I have realised this last few months that I am not very good at photography that involves people….for some reason I cannot get a clean shot…however with my abstract and  landscape/macro stuff I think I get fucking awesome images…so I will just be focusing on that 🙂  I am not really wanting to make a living out of it, but it would be nice if people actually bought anything I shot…just because they liked it….I am not really sure I want to start paying for some of the fancy sites out there, when in the end – I am not really even going to try and make money out of it….Not sure though….it has just been something in the back of my mind.

At the moment, I am just going through all my images and placing a name tag on them…I know most of the time people can remove it if they are really keen, but it is just nice knowing it is on there and perhaps if people start seeing a name – subconsciously it will be remembered?  LOL….Mind you my images are nothing like the stuff I have seen….there are some brilliant photographers out there, and I mean jaw droppingly fantabulous photos are being produced….but you know – there are some fucking awful ones as well 😀  Each person likes a different style and with how many billion people in the world…potentially at least one person will like my images enough to buy one of them…providing I can get it out there enough 🙂  Well that’s my theory!

I was going through my images from Xmas and am a little disappointed actually as a lot of them are grainy…and I am not sure why…my camera is a pretty good quality one and I am baffled..it isn’t like they are out of focus…or maybe they are and it comes out grainy…i don’t know…but some were crystal clear; so perhaps it was just the focus….anyway I suck at people shots as I try to capture things without waiting the 3 seconds to focus…but the moment could be gone….gAHH!

So, I am currently just adding things to my G+ account, and I may make another photography circle; I deleted the last one as I was so despondent about everything and I figured I would never take another photo again, but Xmas Day and Boxing Day has made me realise how much I enjoy doing it….so I am just going to keep it in the back and let people enjoy or dislike my stuff as they see fit.  The important thing is that “I” get pictures that I like and no -one can take that from me 🙂

I wish I could show that kind of resolve in other areas of my life….like Uni etc….I am also join to call Melbourne Uni/VTAC this week and find out about the STAT test I am supposed to sit…..not that Melbourne Uni is the one I have to go to…however it does have a very awesome Arts program AND it is one of the more easy uni’s to get into….it is also very prestigious; I have to admit I really wouldn’t mind saying I finished my degree there…..is that shallow of me?  perhaps….

Anyway, once I speak to them, then I can decide on the work issue….I will keep pushing something like Coles/Woollies if I can get into Uni as I am then able to go to uni full-time (maybe) and still work enough hours somewhere to bring in enough money for us to live on.  I would rather go to uni full time as it will mean a degree will only take me 3 years as opposed to potentially 10…..We shall see though….I have to make phone calls before anything can move forward – at least I have a plan though.

My plan was also to get into a routine with exercise whilst on holidays and I have failed miserably at that.  I have done nothing….Xmas/NYE was very busy though and I just didn’t get a chance to stop…so the last thing I was thinking about was finding time to exercise…and since then all I have done is sit on my butt!  hahaahh  I need to take this next few weeks and make something of it.  But then the last week up where I am has been above 35 eve3ry day and I can barely function in that heat let alone exercise….today is not actually too bad, so I may find the motivation to do something…even if it just the first half of the kickboxing DVD I have.

My plan

This is my plan for the next couple of months.

I am doing the bike.exercise as much as I can for the next few weeks, until I am on leave from work, then I am going to get up at 5am and exercise for 40 minutes and jump into the shower.  I will then do another workout at some point in the day – lunch or early afternoon – and indeed perhaps both….

I am off work for a month, what I am hoping is that in that month I get used to getting up early and I start forming a habit – once I start back at work it will therefore hopefully be easier to stay in habit….

That is my hope….we shall see.

I have not heard back from the second job at woodend or the one in Kyneton I applied for.  I don’t want to follow up as I can’t handle being rejected….

Blogging, life and jobs …again :)

Another of my friends has started video blogging, and I love it 🙂  I wish I had the confidence to do it…seems to be the current trend at the moment, as she is now the 4th one in 3 months to do it…I have to admit, I do like watching the blogs of friends, it really allows the watcher to feel they are seeing the truth of the situation…however my only gripe – is that my iPhone does not play private youtube videos and I cannot for the life of me figure it out….its ANNOYING!!!!

I will find a solution to that soon enough – I have confidence.

I have been  doing very little blogging of late, not because I don’t want to, but because I am just too fucking tired…if I could dictate to the computers to do it for me, then I might do it more often; but it does explain why my posts are long sometimes, because I am filling in a fair few blanks 😀

I had another agency interview on wednesday, I think it went well, fingers crossed, he said he would call me back within the week to discuss options as he needs to talk to the guys in Sydney (their main office).

I really need a job before Xmas break, as I have found out I don’t get paid whilst they close the shop – if I had annual leave I would be ok, but I don’t have any and by then I will only have about 5 days worth.  I am trying to save up money or pay off enough on the credit card that we can live through that period if  I haven’t found another job by then, however I am not entirely sure we can save anything as we are living so close to the line as it is now…..chin up, I shall have to harass my mother for money since she keeps managing to avoid paying me back :p

I am also working out an arrangement  with my sister who is also wanting to lose weight – we re going to be each others check in buddies….the rough idea at this stage is to sms each other when we have done exercise for the night, weigh in fortnightly and measure monthly or something….just so we are accountable to each other and perhaps we can go on a shopping spree together when we have achieved our collective goals 😀  the details are still to be worked out, I will try and get hold of her on Saturday to work it out in more detail, but it may work quite well.

Anyway hubby is stuck at work tonight, and doesn’t think he will even be home by 9…which is depressing….so I am going to check on my dinner as I think it is starting to get ready….love to you all.

Blogging, resume, work and stuff

General update as I have been a busy beaver the last few days.

My new and improved resume is almost done.  I have been taking a beating with it and I am telling myself repeatedly to sell myself.  So be prepared for a shock when you read this – it may actually sound impressive.  If I email it to you – please feel free to ask to see my old one so you can see the obvious improvements…..I am really happy with it so far….and I still have a few things to change – especially the formatting – I am not happy with that – but I am not focused on that as yet.

Work is chugging along, nothing much has changed there, I am hoping to have another job before Xmas – I know it will stuff up any chance of having holidays if I change then, but I would rather be able to move into a new year knowing I am somewhere that I like (fingers crossed hey?!)

I briefly closed own my blogs due to some harassment I was receiving.  I have decided to just ignore the idiots that feel it is ok to say nasty things and call me names.  I have my friends and they will tell me all I need to know, and in the end – if I want to whinge on my own damn web space, I will fucking whinge, and I will rant and I will scream, and laugh and be manic and you know what???  No one can stop me.  I guess, I decided I didn’t really care who reads this space or others, I don’t blog for the public, I make it public as may be someone drops past and makes a connection with something I say, but I am not bucking for readers, or followers.  I am just putting my thoughts out there for people to enjoy or ignore as they see fit.  I lost that somewhere.  I won’t ever make posts public that I have put things into that i wouldn’t actually say to people.

I am sorry for the hassle and the change of mind, but I enjoy blogging and I enjoy having it out there for others to connect to.  So I decided to change the layouts whilst they were private 😀

I have been harassing the hubby to write me this blog post about the changes he has seen and as yet, no luck…he keeps avoiding it…maybe I am not changed like I think I am..wouldn’t that be embarrassing??  hrmmm, might have to ask him about that today 🙂

I am also playing with studio lighting etc at home, but am finding it really difficult to get the hang of my camera – you know…I just kind of suck at the whole remember technical details…I really need to spend some time just trying to improve my recall abilities….

Other than that – my exercise comes and goes as you can tell on my other blog, but I am trying to do something every second day if nothing else….since I am home today, I want to do a workout and a bike ride…here’s hoping!

Anyway, back to my resume now….I have to get this finished so I can start applying for jobs.

 

 

Anger management

I have been writing very little still as most of it is not publishable in my eyes.

I have been doing badly with the anger management the last few days (perhaps a week). I have been feeling snappy and irritable, I have advised hubby and anyone around me at the time – and I have made a concerted effort to not let it get the better of me as I am at least now aware of it…but it is just so frustrating to be constantly battling with things that are making me stressed enough to feel snappy.

I know my work is a major part in that – as much as I love my father, he has a temper like a wounded bull and I am not used to working in an environment where people yell constantly about everything  – I hated my old job – everyone knows that – but compared to this – it was a relative heaven of peace and quiet.

I have basically been told to work 4 days a week – one day as unpaid – and so that has dropped our income even further below what we need to live.  They basically can’t afford to pay me – and I am by no means earning all that much…this is also weighing on my mind as I seem incapable of finding other employment to bring our income back up to a more managable level.  I seriously just want to cry – but can’t because I want to be strong and put the brave face that everything is ok and that I have it much better than a large percentage of the population….but…let’s face it…this is my reality and I have to deal with the fact that we are sort of screwed financially because I am  unemployable.

We are heading to Tassie tomorrow and I am not sure we should really be going as we are cutting it fine with money, but no refunds are available.  I had forgotten in all my calculations we needed to get the car serviced as it was almost 7k over (especially before travelling around Tassie) and that chopped $550 out of our budget for the trip.

I have asked hubby to write a post about the changes he has seen in me and my anger management so I can have an objective view.  He has sort of agreed but not really yet…so I will have to pin him down on that 😀

I want to get into exercise, but I am so physically and mentally drained from work that I don’t have anything left when I get home. Viscious cycle.

I really can’t be bothered writing any more as it just makes me depressed.  So I am going to stop here before the tears start and can’t be stopped.

Treading water

I have done a few posts lately and then just not finished them or have kept them private – there is all together too much whinging, anger and emo in them.

I am feeling overall, positive about everything – but beneath it is the lurking suspicion that I am not really aware of reality.  I have my version of reality and everyone else is in another one.  I have to some how deal with this issue as it is causes problems in my own life.

I am still applying for jobs and harrassing the recruitment agencies I am listed with – of the 3 of them – I have made a phone call a week to the recruiter and have been lucky to get a return phone call in 2 weeks.  I am becoming increasingly assured that recruiters don’t actually do any work or that I am completely unemployable.  Since I know I can work, and have done in the past – I can only assume the first statement is therefore true.

Hubby is telling me to keep my chin up and that it will work out – he went through a bad unemployment spell before landing his current employer so he remembers how it feels.  It is just so disheartening to not even be given interviews – not even at agences either when I apply for jobs or ring them about sending my resume through….just complete silence even when I have been calling them.

It is hard.  So hard.  With the amount of jobs out there and the unemployment rate so low how can it be so hard to get a job?  I don’t think I will ever understand how they come up with figures that are so obviously distorted.

We have AWC in a couple of weeks, so a few days in Tassie might give me a little re-charge in batteries.  It will be nice to get away from everything here and not worry about things.  Hubby managed to get a two week break basically at the same time, he hasn’t had a proper long break in a very long time so it will be very good for him.

My plan to lose weight before my next birthday is not going anywhere – I have discovered though – I need to go to be by 10pm to be able to get up at 5am without too much issue….but it is the going to bed at 10 I am struggling with.  I just lose so much time travelling that I stay up later to feel that I have some semblence of time.

So this weekend I am going to try it out..I want to get up at 5.30 and see if I can do a good workout in 30 minutes therefore allowing me time to get through the shower and ready to leave by 6.30 at the absolute latest.  That’s my plan anyway 😀

I better run anyway, since I am at work – I am sure going to get a few phone calls etc so don’t have time to type 😀  BYE

New bed and new me

We have now been sleeping on our bed for almost a week and my back is almost, almost not sore..there is still a slight twinge but it is nothing compared to what it used to be.  It took about 3 days for the pain to finally stop – after the first night there was a noticeable difference. So I am feeling so much better!!  My biggest issue with the bed is how high from the ground we are sleeping, at a guess it is almost triple the height of our old bed and I have to almost climb into it every night….I love it…except for nights like last night where hubby kept snuggling closer to me and at some point I was about to fall out….it’s a big drop…So comfy though…omg so comfy…new bed is super…love it – it’s probably my best buy of 2011….

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Happy Birthday :D

Every year I write a blog post on my birthday, have done so since 2003, and sometimes they are full of hope and life and excitment, other times they are filled with dread and despair.

This year is kind of just meh for me….the only real goal I have is to lose weight…this is going to be the year I put everything I have into it.  Every ounce of motivation, passion and hope.  I am funnelling it all into losing weight.

I don’t really feel as if I am having a birthday, perhaps I just don’t really care much about turning 33…am I 33 already?  Surely it is 32? oops, yup it is 32 😀  NICE…I added a year onto my age….that’s just WRONG!!!

I am going to be getting my bike L’s soon, as I still have a “want” to ride.  I want to lose enough weight that I can buy a nice bike and not feel huge on it and I want to be able to buy leathers that don’t make me look like the S & M version of the Stay puft Marshmallow man….All in good time of course 🙂

So to sum up my last year, I left MLC (finally), I started my degree (finally), we moved to Kyneton, we got back into our religious practices, my mother finally married the man of her dreams and got married, Hubby got some of the best birthday presents this year for his birthday, we bought a new VW and got rid of the troubled mini, we finally got rid of the old couch when it collpased, we have avoided getting any new credit cards, we have stayed on top of our bills (although no savings thanks to my pay cut), we started eating better (then kind of stopped), I lost 10kgs over Xmas with some hard work and training.

Of all these things, the only thing I am disappointed in is my lack of weight loss.  I wanted this last year to be the year when I could look back and admire my 70kg weight loss.  Looks like this will be that year instead, so I am going to push myself and ensure it happens this year!!  Next birthday I want to be able to brag and brag and brag!! 😀  Consider yourself warned.

I will be ensuring I update my weight loss/exercise blog – ponderosity.wordpress.com a fair bit more and I may add more than just my exercise for the night on there, such as PCOS weightloss challenge (which I missed this time round – so will start in August officially, and this week unofficially), food and other stuff.

Happy Birthday Onyxiia.

Playing catch up

I have had a very busy couple of weeks and I just have barely even been near my computer at all….I just told hubby I did not want to watch anything or do anything other than sit here and catch up on  stuff.  JUST FUCKING STUFF!!!!!  I don’t think he was impressed, but well…I am sorry….I haven’t been having my technological fix every day anymore and it is making me a little antsy.  I also need to finish my assignment this weekend as it is due tomorrow night before midnight.

Lots to catch up on, so follow me after the break 😀

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HOME!

YAY – I am home!

Well I got home a couple of days ago, but I just didn’t get the chance to even sit at my computer.  Yesterday I had a job interview in the morning, I really want the job to be honest, I am hoping I did not screw up the interview.  They seemed like a nice bunch of people and it is close to home and everything. I may need to just have a walk around Kyneton in the next few days and see if anyone has some signs up in their shops.

Then after that, I took hubby to Gisborne to have his dentist appointment, we get all the way out there and find the dentist is closed due to a “power surge”.  nice.  Thanks for calling and telling us….So we then hda to find him another dentist.  So we came home and started dialling numbers.  Finally got him an appointment and then headed to bendigo.

Stopped and bought my exercise bike, I could have ordered it online but seriously I couldn’t be bothered waiting the 4 weeks for them to even look at the order.  We actually just assembled that this morning…so I am taking a break before I start lunch, dishes and washing – which I want to get all done today.

So hubby has a tooth removed – blood everywhere, which has finally stopped this morning, and he is no pain from exposed nerves 😀  Just normal tooth being pulled out pain 😀

I also spent this morning applying for jobs, approx 6, so fingers crossed something comes of it, I have had basically no luck with the job thing…which is depressing.  I have to contact my temping agency and tell them to get onto it 😀

Anyway, migt make some lunch now 😀