Wow missed an entire month !

Since I started blogging in 2003, I have written a blog post on every single birthday….this year I missed it. I posted on my weightloss blog, but well it wasn’t really birthday related all that much 🙂

I have missed an entire month because I have just been trying to keep my head above water and deal with the self hate I feel.

I will be honest, I am feeling that I am actually achieving something with my weight, but at the end of the day when I am in my own head all I can think of is how we can’t afford to live day to day because I can’t get a job a because I am not educated and because I can’t even figure out what I want to do as a career.

The only thing I wanted to do was underwriting and I have failed so dismally at even attempting to get into that I can’t express it in words properly.

I did apply for a junior underwriting position last night, but I am waiting to hear from the agency and I doubt I will get it. I am just that fucking crap at everything.

I chopped all my hair off and am still chopping bits off to get the look I want.

Anyway, just another depressing post about my inability to actually make something of myself!

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4 thoughts on “Wow missed an entire month !

  1. Maybe you could take a break from “trying to make something of yourself” and just let it happen. Don’t be so hard on yourself. That takes a conscious effort.

    • dragonray says:

      Aww Trinity, I know I really shouldn’t be so hard on myself…but I just get frustrated with everything sometimes and I sort of feel cheated….

      Thanks for the support though 🙂 I do appreciate it!

  2. Losing weight is a major achievement! Keeping that up despite financial and career challenges is amazing 🙂
    Your head must feel super-light with all that hair gone, isn’t it a great feeling 😀

    • dragonray says:

      It is a little cold on my neck actually :p eheheh It has been a very long time since my hair has been this short. I am still chopping it back a little each day, you know..i figure it always grows back :p

      Thanks for the pep talk, I think i just get so bogged down in the negative I find it hard to see the silver linings you know?

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