Morale De-booster….

I just don’t understand it, I don’t think I will ever understand it.

I had an email today from a recruitment agency that I spoke to months ago with a position they felt I should/would/could apply for.

Except…I have no serious experience in complaints handling other than the general stuff you deal with as an account manager and i can tell you now – it is NOT a career path I would choose willingly.

So she wants me to tailor my resume to highlight the complaints management I did at my previous employer…of which would be 5% of my role. Not much I can highlight there.

I just feel so completely useless again…I was finally beginning to get over the last bout and now I am right back down there, I know I shouldn’t let it get to me, but there are no words that make it ok.

I am so lacking in self worth at the moment that I can’t even apply for jobs at all – haven’t for months because I know with certainty I am useless…i am not going to get offered anything and I am not even worth the air I breath.

Yes I am smiling and putting on a good show with the laughing but on the
inside I am screaming and violently angry.

I have no way to safely release all the pain and do I just bottle it up. If I cry then hubby gets worried and there is nothing he can do for me.

All I want for Christmas is a job paying what I was on last year

Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do

This is sort of a two edged blade, I check my husband almost weekly for any bodily markings or scarrings etc so that should I be needed to identify his body I can.

I don’t ever want to have to identify his mutilated body by the little birth mark on his ankle (or elbow), I don’t want to have to identify it at all.

I am not sure I would cope with seeing him dead let alone so mangled, burnt, shredded, bloody – whatever that I can’t tell from his face that it is him.

But I have made sure I would be able to tell it is him should I need to.  I don’t know why, it really freaks me out when I catch myself mentally doing it….but there you go.