Day 14: letter to a hero who let me down

WoW, another one that I am going to fail at.

I have never had “heroes”, I blame myself entirely, but because I am completely idealistic I know in my heart that at some point all “heroes” will fail me and so I just have not put anyone on that pedestal.

I cannot think of anyone that fulfils both those roles and so this is a short and sweet post which says a fair bit about me 🙂

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Xmas Update :)

I have forgotten to update simply because it is so busy 🙂  hence the daily truth things, I thought it would perhaps keep people learning more about me, however since a couple decided not to post and previous mentioned, I figured I may as well tae this time to do a quick update 🙂

The Mother-in-Law came down on Christmas Eve Day, so I had to get up early, get all the Xmas day shopping done and then drive for 1.2 hours to get M-I-L from train station.  Essentially a wasted day 🙂

Xmas Day, we went to the local botanical gardens for the day to just get out of the house and do something different, we had a late addition of a tribe of nigerian people come as well. IN truth, they are only 5 Nigerians, but with the racket the kids make – I swear it feels like 30 🙂

We had a lovely day, the kids played soccer and the adults caught up.  Here is a youtube clip of my siblings having some dancing and singing. I apologise in advance for the quality I took this one on my iPhone and I have yet to grab the stuff off my proper camera 🙂

Hubby and my mum both ended up with some heat issues – dehydration perhaps…sun stroke…no idea…but Xmas in Melbourne can be a little scorchy.

We came home at about 5pm, and then had one of our friends come round at about 6pm to just chill out and have some drinks with us.

Then Boxing Day every year we head round to a friends place for a BBQ, however we went to bendigo in the morning to get some wedding photos printed out for the M-I-L and then we had a look around and a few bits and pieces.  BBQ was really good we got there at about 2.3pm and we got home at about 7pm, we all then decided to sit on the couch and do absolutely nothing!!  We were all pretty wrecked!

The next day we spent driving for 3 hours to drop the m-i-l off at the train station, which was 40 minutes late, and then we had some more friends over for dinner.

Yesterday, hubby went to work and was not feeling well so came home after about 3 hours…he is feeling better now though which is great.

Just typing that post has made me feel exhausted again to be honest!  We still have to find a chance to get over to see my Dad and S-mum for Xmas etc, but in all honesty, we have New years in a couple of days – which we have to start getting organised for, and I just need to get some sleep in!

I hope everyone I know has had a lovely Christmas and all that good stuff.

A good friend recently started doing video diaries instead of blogging, who would be interested in hearing me waffle or do you prefer to read it?  I am contemplating starting to test it out as well, and I have done a few videos here and there…let me know what you think 🙂

I am also trying to get my camera out again, I lost a lot of confidence in myself recently and although I have decided I don’t want to do portraits – I do enjoy taking landscape and animal shots…so I am going to continue with that and perhaps create a section/website dedicated to that so that people can purchase prints maybe?  Still working on the idea as I don’t want to spend money on something that I have no real intention of pursuing as a huge part of my life, but I would like to share images with people so if they want to hang them in their houses/shops/hotels etc they are able to.

Uni – is still a work in progress – I am still deciding what I am going to do- as yet I am undecided and I have to make some phone calls tomorrow about it all.

 

Day 13: letter to a band

This was supposed to be a letter to  a band that had helped you through some tough, rough times.

I fail right here on this as I am not generally one to listen to just one band during a crisis event.  I will listen to songs that are pertinent to the situation or have better memories or pep me up.

I would probably write over 500 letters to bands that have inspired me through issues, but it would only be for one song.

I suck at this particular 30 day of truth 🙂

Day 12: Something you never get compliments on

It appears as though a few posts have disappeared, and so here I am re-typing them 🙂  They will of course, not be as fabulous as they were the first time, but here they are anyway.

The one thing I never get complimented on, aside from by my hubby, who compliments me on everything, so I am not counting for this one post, is my face.

I have always considered myself pretty, even with a slightly fat face – I have always managed to look quite good – except for morning before my coffee.  However it seems I am mistaken as it is something that if I am complimented on, I get the “if you lost some weight” after it.  All through high school and teenage years….let me say, I never thought I was overweight or large in high school…I was carrying a little extra perhaps, but I was a size 12-14 and I was happy with that – I didn’t feel the need to lose more; but so many of my peers would say “You would be so pretty if you just lost some weight” and in my eyes I thought I was pretty without losing the weight.

I don’t want this to go off on a tangent about unrealistic body images – but let me get this clear right now – I KNOW I need to lose weight, I know I am fat and I understand that in my head, but that is now.  15 years ago – I was not thinking like that nor did I care about things like that – I was not trying to get win popularity, modelling, boys or cheerleader competitions and I was happy with it – as much as a teenager is ever happy with their appearance (we all suffer from some self confidence issues, but I honestly believe that is just part of maturing and becoming an adult).

The whole point I suppose was that I don’t feel that I get compliments about my face from other people/friends without their being a butt-face added on 😀

Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on

There has always been a constant theme in my life of being able to get people to laugh.

I have been prone to absolute fits of giggles/laughter, laughing so hard that I cant breathe or speak. They can come on quite suddenly and for the most stupid of things; or I remember something I found hilarious and it sets me off.

When this happens in the company of others, everyone else starts pissing themselves laughing. During those moments I have been told repeatedly that I have a fabulously contagious laugh.

I have chosen to take it as a compliment 🙂

Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know

This one ties in nicely with Day 9, and who I didn’t want to let go.

Since D and I drifted apart, I have not ever filled the BFF slot in my life with another girl.  My hubby and I are best friends, as well as married, which is awesome – don’t get me wrong!, but there is something to be said for having a BFF that is so in tune with things you are interested in on almost every level.

The perfect example being that D would have come to the twilight movies with me instead of me forcing my hubby to come or go alone 😀  It would have been something for us to do together – something girly.  We could buy make up together or get facials or manicures etc…just girly things which are nice to do and would honestly bore my husband to tears or be followed with comments about not being a metrosexual!  LOL

I have never let another woman get close to the BFF territory with me since D, I always keep them at arms lengths – for safety – and it has always pained me that I am too scared to let anyone in.  That was until I met B.

Honestly, B and I connected (in my honest opinion) on a level that scared me. We had similar values, morals, thoughts on life and we just clicked, we were both in a bad place mentally when we met and we helped each through it and supported each other well.  I think you come out of something like that with a deeper relationship.

It all ended badly when I decided to stop being abused in a game and i decided to disband a guild I had created.  The specifics don’t matter – but it ended up being a massive issue with harsh words and emails being sent to each other.  We were on opposite sides of the fence and I think we still would be today if the same issue arose.

However it grates on me that our friendship ended because of that and I still wonder how she is, what she is up to and how her life is travelling along.  I really do wish I could just let her go as I was so hurt by the entire thing – as mentioned previously…I am too cautious now to want to build that friendship up, especially given my husband’s thoughts on what happened

Day 9: someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted

The only person that literally springs into mind is D.  We met in grade 6 when I started at a new school and we formed a pretty solid friendship over the years that would see us through childhood, teens and then adulthood.

We were always really close.  She was the kind of person who always knew the right thing to say, she cared about people and friends.  She is like my husband in that anything she touches she is awesome at with (seemingly) very little effort.  She was musically talented, she could dance (after I taught her :p), she was an artist, she got good grades, the guys loved her and she had great fashion sense.

We were inseparable in high school, we even created a code language which we both could read and write fluently, we had plans to get married and have kids at the same time (if we ever decided to actually get married), get old together, travel together.  We had our fights as do most teenage girls, but didn’t really drag them out for long…ecept for the one in..hrm…might have been year 10 – we didn’t speak for months – the only reason I remember it was because I wrote to her mum asking her to help me apologise for whatever it was and she wrote back that she was happy we weren’t friends and that she didn’t like me.  I remember writing back a really nasty letter telling her to let D choose her own friends and that if anything D was a bad influence on me :p That was a horrible horrible time and odd.

Year 11 was our last year together at school, we both changed schools and then she went off to Sydney to study at an exclusive design school.  I was jealous of her life in Sydney and her new friends (especially when I met them and saw how close she had become to them). I was not needed in her life anymore, she had others that were more closely aligned with her life and her career and interests since moving there. They were there for her when she transitioned to this new life in Sydney, they were shoulders, dance partners, drinking buddies, confidantes (sp?), they were there to witness everything and be part of it all with her.  Spending hours on the phone catching up was the norm for a while, however it was always hard to know other people were taking my place as her best friend.

My trip to Sydney is what I consider to the the start of the end of my relationship with her.  Initially I was just going to go for a break, but when I got there and got a job really quickly – i just decided to stay in the hopes of being needed by her again.

Looking back, I was young, insecure and hurting and instead of just being honest with her, as described in other posts – I lashed out because I felt I was being rejected – and honestly I was just being self centred.

D moved back to Melbourne after a massive fight we had, the loss of her grandmother and other  issues; I was devastated and it was only recently that I let it all go and actually moved past it.  What I considered a massive betrayal on her part, was nothing more than her not coping with everything going on in her life at the time and me not giving it the full weight it was due.

That was over 11 years ago, and I still wish things had been different. We still talk, and we catchup if we are in the same state (she is not in Vic), however a part of me really wishes our relationship had never soured.  I wish we hadn’t drifted apart and that I could have been a part of her life as she changed jobs, moved states and met and married her hubby, that she could have been part of mine and that she could have been at my wedding as my maid of honour, that we could be doing things together.

I still don’t want to let her go, even though we are more acquaintances than friends now…I am going to hold onto that little piece as much as I can.