More Surgery

So I had my monthly check up with the ear surgeons yesterday, and isn’t it amazing, I have to have another ear operation as my ear hasn’t healed as well as expected.

After my last operation, everything seemed ok, until 2 months later when I was going for my (then) final check up.  They discovered a web like tissue growing over my ear canal.  Not life threatening no, but behind the webbing the could see something on my ear drum.

This something is called a pearl and is like a pimple or little cyst almost…but they can’t see it clearly because of the webbing.  So guess what they want to do to my ear.

Cut back my ear canal to the bone, pack it with stuff, and then let the skin grow back without the webbing…they hope.  I will need general, not an overnight stay though, and I will need to visit the dr weekly for check ups on my ear.  I should be able to be back at work after 2 days and the surgery only takes 30 minutes.

Not happy about this surgery at all.  I would just like to spend one year without having surgery of any kind!  ONE YEAR!

 

phew…made it

So after a pretty stressful week worrying about finances, we actually came out on top and I also found out that my parents are going to pay me for the holidays over Xmas…not all of them, but a week that I haven’t earned yet – which means, with the week of annual leave I have saved, we will really only be slightly out of kilter….and we can use the credit card.  I won’t be needing to go to work, although hubby will be, so we won’t be saving all that much petrol, but we will be saving money on my train tickets and lunches….

So in the end – we are ok – as always…I didn’t pay any bills thanks to the hot water tank, so I will be doing my best to get to them this fortnight….

But, if nothing else, this has been a lesson with my anger management stuff.  I have found that money stress starts sending me back up the rage-o-meter.  I haven’t been snappy or yelling, but hubby advised last night that I have been grumpy the last week or so (since i discovered the no pay for a month over Xmas thing ), then trying to save and having to spend it all on a new hot water service….just caused me stress.

I have to learn to manage that, but at least I am now aware of what some of my triggers are.

I have resigned myself to the knoweldge that I will be working here for a few more months as I need to pay off my parents anyway for the week of leave they are paying me in advance.  I will apply for the odd job here and there, but I am not focused on it anymore…there is no point really given we are almost in December.

I do have an interview on Saturday – group interview – for Coles….I am not wanting to work for coles again as a check out chick, I do see it as a massive backward step in what was a developing career – however it really depends on where they decide I would fit – it was an open application for all types of jobs, so perhaps manager or assistant manager or even back office roles are up….which would not be a negative and hence why I am going 🙂

Hubby has promised me we can go and see Twilight this weekend as well, I am a little excited about that – although I barely remember the other two movies, I know the books and stories so well that I am not going to have a problem.  Mixed reviews of the movie so I am pretty sure hubby is going to want to kill me for making him sit through it all 🙂  Fingers crossed not everywhere is booked out 😀

Climbing emotional mount everest

I am slowly climbing back up the depressive period, I found my grapple hook and snow shoes.

Nothing has changed except I have just decided to take it easy, there is something I am obviously supposed to be doing/seeing/experiencing whilst working where I am and until that comes to conclusion I will be unsuccessful in any venture I attempt.

I have been in this situation before and I think I may have brought it upon myself in some ways….

I am hoping I still have my anger issues under control but I don’t really know – I must ask hubby about it.

time

it’s been a couple of hours since my last post, and I am sinking even further, I am trying to keep my spirits buoyed, but I am fighting a losing battle.

I will be sending my resume through to maccas and KFC soon the rate things are going – something i said I would never ever do…..

I am not entirely sure I should drive myself home today, as I am not thinking clearly, so I am glad I am not coming to work tomorrow.

There is nothing I can say to myself to feel better, all my self talk is completely negative and anything positive I think of is being immediately shot down with negative things that seem to make more sense.

I can’t fight anymore, and I have no more strength…not today….the last few months I have felt myself getting more and more depressed about this whole job situation and I think the phone call this morning was the camel’s back snapping…especially when I have been trying to put a good facade on the situation to ensure people don’t worry about me and my feelings….but the energy I was using to maintain that has run out…

GAH

Blogging, life and jobs …again :)

Another of my friends has started video blogging, and I love it 🙂  I wish I had the confidence to do it…seems to be the current trend at the moment, as she is now the 4th one in 3 months to do it…I have to admit, I do like watching the blogs of friends, it really allows the watcher to feel they are seeing the truth of the situation…however my only gripe – is that my iPhone does not play private youtube videos and I cannot for the life of me figure it out….its ANNOYING!!!!

I will find a solution to that soon enough – I have confidence.

I have been  doing very little blogging of late, not because I don’t want to, but because I am just too fucking tired…if I could dictate to the computers to do it for me, then I might do it more often; but it does explain why my posts are long sometimes, because I am filling in a fair few blanks 😀

I had another agency interview on wednesday, I think it went well, fingers crossed, he said he would call me back within the week to discuss options as he needs to talk to the guys in Sydney (their main office).

I really need a job before Xmas break, as I have found out I don’t get paid whilst they close the shop – if I had annual leave I would be ok, but I don’t have any and by then I will only have about 5 days worth.  I am trying to save up money or pay off enough on the credit card that we can live through that period if  I haven’t found another job by then, however I am not entirely sure we can save anything as we are living so close to the line as it is now…..chin up, I shall have to harass my mother for money since she keeps managing to avoid paying me back :p

I am also working out an arrangement  with my sister who is also wanting to lose weight – we re going to be each others check in buddies….the rough idea at this stage is to sms each other when we have done exercise for the night, weigh in fortnightly and measure monthly or something….just so we are accountable to each other and perhaps we can go on a shopping spree together when we have achieved our collective goals 😀  the details are still to be worked out, I will try and get hold of her on Saturday to work it out in more detail, but it may work quite well.

Anyway hubby is stuck at work tonight, and doesn’t think he will even be home by 9…which is depressing….so I am going to check on my dinner as I think it is starting to get ready….love to you all.