but honestly it is the thing which is on my mind as it affects so many other areas of my life in a negative way.
I have sent my resume to two good friends to review and look over and advise me about when they have a chance. One of them is like an english grammar and dictionary book walking and talking – no jokes, she is amazing – i think it is because she works in a library – perhaps she soaks it up through the skin like osmosis. The other owns a small business about improving self for employment (among other things).
They both shot me down, the second one advising me to re-write the entire thing from scratch. So that will be my weekend tomorrow – redoing my resume from start to finish using both of their criticisms to hopefully improve it somewhat.
I have been sick all week with a viral thing, throat infection and sinus pain – so have been feeling wonderful, but this means I am also now 2 days pay short because I have 8 days sick leave paid and I have only 1 left. I am so run down though by the travel and depression that I am getting sicker more often again.
I have done no exercise as I have no motivation – I am so depressed about my life and my lack of, well, anything except a happy marriage, that I am feeling really pessimistic about everything. Yeah I know I have it much better than some people in the world and I am not dealing with death or separation like some of my friends, but that is irrelevant as our own personal pain is always so much greater than what anyone else is going through – whether true or not – that is how we perceive it when we are at the bottom…well it could also just be me 😀
We have to be so careful with money now (again), watch what food we buy, how much petrol we use (hubby got a lift with friends to a BBQ because we couldn’t afford the petrol if I went with him and took our own car – the fact that I am still not 100% was also a life saver), how much I put on the bills each week has to be carefully planned out and in the end – I hate having money troubles. I am not doing well with it. I am not coping with this. I am not able to stop crying because all I am worried about it money and how fucked I am making our lives because I can’t seem to get another job that pays more than a fucking apprentice. Yup, I could earn more as a 4th year apprentice…how the mighty have fallen considering I was earning over 55K a year ago – I am now earning less than 25k…and by less – I mean I am under 22k but was trying to make it sound better……
Yeah that sounds even worse when I type it like that actually……I am going to have more ice-cream……