What a fucking shitty week…

Not for me, but for my friends in Sydney…There seems to be far too much hurt happening and there is nothing I can do about it to help them except offer support via email and phone etc.

One of my besties in Sydney let her mum just over 4 months ago, now her step dad has just passed as well due to cancer.  Her brothers have now lost both parents within such a short period and I just have no words to express my sorrow.

The painter at work lost his dad 6 months ago, and 2 weeks ago, lost his mum as well.  He also lost a brother last year.

Another friend in sydney lost her sister earlier this year and has just announced she and her husband of 12 years are separating due to differences. They have 2 children and she is moving back to her parents place in another state.

Another friend in Sydney has advised she s seeking fertility advice as she and her husband are having issues falling pregnant.

And to keep it going, another friend in Sydney has just lost his mother – 2 weeks ago and that is obviously still very fresh for him.

I lost someone this year that wasn’t overly close to me on a personal level, but on a religious level she meant a great deal to me as she was the introduction to the path I now follow.

These last few months have been horrible for all my friends and I just cannot understand how it can happen to so many people at once.  When summed up like this I just feel so completely horrible that I am not on the phone with them and attempting to make them feel better, but what do you say to someone who is dealing with this kind of raw emotional output.

I just wish I was closer to these people, both territorially and emotionally so the support I offer could be useful….

Tassie

The boat trip was beyond horrific!!! It was so rough it made hubby quite ill. The cabin we had was so damn hot -I swear the aircon was not working!

Due to the heat in the room I started feeling ill as well 🙂 I put some music on and we eventually got some sleep…..I hope to the goddess it is calmer on the way home!

We stopped launceston for coffee and break from the devonport drive. Then we continued to Campbell town and rummaged around in a few stores – we bought an absolutely gorgeous wall plaque… It’s like the green man but elvish…I will have to photograph it so I can post!!

Continued on from there to Swansea to our gorgeous chalets right on the waterfront!!

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We headed into town for some lunch and by chance met a guy who is also heading to the same conference as us 🙂 had a chat to him for a while then headed back to our private beach for a walk and photography session!

Oh, we also bought some sea sickness drugs!!!! Wooot!

Hubby is now having a bath and I am trying not to have a nana nap!!!

Anger management

I have been writing very little still as most of it is not publishable in my eyes.

I have been doing badly with the anger management the last few days (perhaps a week). I have been feeling snappy and irritable, I have advised hubby and anyone around me at the time – and I have made a concerted effort to not let it get the better of me as I am at least now aware of it…but it is just so frustrating to be constantly battling with things that are making me stressed enough to feel snappy.

I know my work is a major part in that – as much as I love my father, he has a temper like a wounded bull and I am not used to working in an environment where people yell constantly about everything  – I hated my old job – everyone knows that – but compared to this – it was a relative heaven of peace and quiet.

I have basically been told to work 4 days a week – one day as unpaid – and so that has dropped our income even further below what we need to live.  They basically can’t afford to pay me – and I am by no means earning all that much…this is also weighing on my mind as I seem incapable of finding other employment to bring our income back up to a more managable level.  I seriously just want to cry – but can’t because I want to be strong and put the brave face that everything is ok and that I have it much better than a large percentage of the population….but…let’s face it…this is my reality and I have to deal with the fact that we are sort of screwed financially because I am  unemployable.

We are heading to Tassie tomorrow and I am not sure we should really be going as we are cutting it fine with money, but no refunds are available.  I had forgotten in all my calculations we needed to get the car serviced as it was almost 7k over (especially before travelling around Tassie) and that chopped $550 out of our budget for the trip.

I have asked hubby to write a post about the changes he has seen in me and my anger management so I can have an objective view.  He has sort of agreed but not really yet…so I will have to pin him down on that 😀

I want to get into exercise, but I am so physically and mentally drained from work that I don’t have anything left when I get home. Viscious cycle.

I really can’t be bothered writing any more as it just makes me depressed.  So I am going to stop here before the tears start and can’t be stopped.

Treading water

I have done a few posts lately and then just not finished them or have kept them private – there is all together too much whinging, anger and emo in them.

I am feeling overall, positive about everything – but beneath it is the lurking suspicion that I am not really aware of reality.  I have my version of reality and everyone else is in another one.  I have to some how deal with this issue as it is causes problems in my own life.

I am still applying for jobs and harrassing the recruitment agencies I am listed with – of the 3 of them – I have made a phone call a week to the recruiter and have been lucky to get a return phone call in 2 weeks.  I am becoming increasingly assured that recruiters don’t actually do any work or that I am completely unemployable.  Since I know I can work, and have done in the past – I can only assume the first statement is therefore true.

Hubby is telling me to keep my chin up and that it will work out – he went through a bad unemployment spell before landing his current employer so he remembers how it feels.  It is just so disheartening to not even be given interviews – not even at agences either when I apply for jobs or ring them about sending my resume through….just complete silence even when I have been calling them.

It is hard.  So hard.  With the amount of jobs out there and the unemployment rate so low how can it be so hard to get a job?  I don’t think I will ever understand how they come up with figures that are so obviously distorted.

We have AWC in a couple of weeks, so a few days in Tassie might give me a little re-charge in batteries.  It will be nice to get away from everything here and not worry about things.  Hubby managed to get a two week break basically at the same time, he hasn’t had a proper long break in a very long time so it will be very good for him.

My plan to lose weight before my next birthday is not going anywhere – I have discovered though – I need to go to be by 10pm to be able to get up at 5am without too much issue….but it is the going to bed at 10 I am struggling with.  I just lose so much time travelling that I stay up later to feel that I have some semblence of time.

So this weekend I am going to try it out..I want to get up at 5.30 and see if I can do a good workout in 30 minutes therefore allowing me time to get through the shower and ready to leave by 6.30 at the absolute latest.  That’s my plan anyway 😀

I better run anyway, since I am at work – I am sure going to get a few phone calls etc so don’t have time to type 😀  BYE