Negative Self talk

So, it has been 2 months since I got a handle on my anger…I have to push people to tell me if they have noticed a difference, however they are saying there is, so I guess that is a good thing.  Not sure why I was expecting people to just offer me support and congratulations on getting it under control…thinking about it – it probably isn’t something you would say to friends??  *shrugs* No idea…just feels a little like no one has noticed the effort I am making for myself and for others in my life.

The above paragraph is essentially the focus of my next issue – negative self talk….Hubby asked me why I always say negative things about myself and I know why I do it, but he was not impressed when I tried to explain it, so i just got upset and cried.

I would say 85% of the stuff that comes out of my mouth is immediately shot down as being incorrect, stupid, and just plain dull.  My opinions on an issue – are still my opinions…whether you agree with me or not – but there is no need to shoot me down because you experienced something different or see it differently.

If i don’t know about a topic – I shut my mouth – ask me about politics or football and I will stare at you blankly like you just came from an alien space shuttle….I have no idea…If I have any experience with/about/from something I will try and contribute to the discussions.

Yes I have been known to be very cynical, and I do try and make fun of everything, I also like to make people laugh and see a different side of things.  I don’t engage in conversations about the exact same topic weekly – sorry I have nothing to add after the first 8 times we discussed it….politics, education, drivers, the stolen children, etc etc….I really don’t care what Julia Gillard did or didn’t do – you’re pretty lucky I even know who she is…and talking about her every time we see each other doesn’t really give me anything to talk to you about.

So from what I have been thinking about since the conversation with my husband is this:

  1. I have too many friends who consider themselves intellectuals, however are only able to converse about 3 topics repeatedly.
  2. I don’t have enough friends who actually want to just talk shit and joke around and laugh about life, fats and sex…
  3. I need to find more friends with interests that more closely align with me so I can share with them.
  4. I need something in my life that I can do (hubby has multiple things he does outside of our relationship – I have nothing).

I also somehow need to deal with the fact that anything I say is considered crap or not important…I need to remind myself of all the positive things I have done and said that have helped not only myself, but others.

This will be my next challenge to have faith in my abilities, knowledge and depth.


4 thoughts on “Negative Self talk

  1. Team Oyeniyi says:

    I don’t consider anything you say crap, if that is any consolation! As for something to do for yourself………… concentrate on your PCOS stuff, that is for YOU!

    • dragonray says:

      Yeah I am doing that as well, but hubby has lodge and Gaelic and it gets him out meeting people with the same interests, I tend to stay home or see family….I don’t do anything with any of my interests and I am thinking I should start getting out there more….

      • Team Oyeniyi says:

        Very good point, I see what you mean. What do you like doing that is not going to involve late nights during the week, but involves people?

        How about an art class on Saturdays or something similar?

      • dragonray says:

        I wish I knew 😀 I have been looking up photography groups that go out and take shots of anything and everything….but aside from that…I might try and get some singing lessons again perhaps

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