Where did you learn to drive?

OK, this is want I like to call a rant 🙂 You can skip over it, or read it for a laugh – I don’t mind either way – but whatever you do, please take this semi-seriously and understand this is written in frustration of the wankers who believe they are allowed to validly hold a license on our roads and wonder!!!

So where did you get your license? I am willing to bet you didn’t get your license did you? you never passed your test and now you just drive because you figure the risk of being caught is lower than your actual fail mark (if that is even possible)! Either that or you are so old they didn’t have license tests when you started driving and you never bothered to even check if you were capable of driving a vehicle with more than a lawn mower engine for power. Yeah harsh you say…well so is the state of the roads when traveling over 160 km’s every day and seeing the idiotic behaviour of most people.

1 – indicators – you know why they are called indicators??? BECAUSE THEY INDICATE WHERE YOU ARE GOING!!!!!! INDICATE being the important word there….They aren’t called “doing lights”…they are not meant to be used as you do something but rather to help people know you want to do something or are about to do something – hence the indication of your intent. Don’t toot me like I am in the wrong when you fail to indicate and therefore I don’t allow you merging room. Should I just sit behind every wanker in a car in the hopes they may want to potentially move into my lane at some unknown point in the future…..DICKWAD – Use your fucking indicators!!!!

2 – C-R-U-I-S-E C-O-N-T-R-O-L – say it with me! Get your pom poms out and dance up and down and make the shapes of the letters like all good cheer leaders in the USA do! My old and lovable 1985 BMW had cruise control – and I would make a gross generalization here and say most modern cars have it nowadays as standard – and if you can’t afford to get it added you shouldn’t own a fucking car and you shouldn’t have a license! The minute I get onto the highway- my cruise is set and I don’t think about it again. I know how many of you don’t have cruise control….you’re the wankers who don’t like anyone overtaking you and so speed up every time I get close, then slow down once you get a few car lengths in front, which means I then catch up again and makes you speed up again; because god forbid you can’t set the god damn cruise control!!!!!! If you don’t like cruise control – at least keep a constant speed and accept the fact that people will over take you and you need to suck it up!

3 – Rear vision mirror – Do you have one in your car? Let me help you find it…if you are sitting in the drivers seat – look to the centre of your front window and towards the ceiling of the car. The glass looking object sticking out that reflects the backseat and rear window is what you are looking for. It isn’t there for putting make up on or yelling at the kids…it is there for you to see when I am gaining on you with my cruise control and wondering if I am going to have reset it once again because you don’t want to get out of the overtaking lane whilst going 30 km’s under the speed limit.

4 – Overtaking on the highway – if I am going to slow for you and your cruise control and you feel the need to over take me, please have some courtesy and leave a couple of car lengths space between me and you. If I was walking down the street and I walked past you then stuck my arse on your face, I think you would be a little annoyed….same goes for cars…except driving at 110km/h is a bucketload more dangerous and you need to give some room. This also goes for before you overtake, stop getting so close that I can see what you had for breakfast..move over a lane – there is no logical explanation for you needing to shove your grill up my butt before you overtake. BACK OFF!!!! And what kind of wanker must you be to drive like that in rainy, foggy conditions when visibility is down so much….can’t express your stupidness by words really….I have resorted to making up words like stupidness….

4 – Merging onto highway – Generally (and I say generally) on-ramps and indeed some off-ramps are very long for a good reason….SPEED control. On ramps are long so you have enough time to get your crappy cruise controless car up to 110km/h so that when you get to the actual merge you are at the same speed and people can move over for you or you can just slot into a nice gap. Where this goes terribly wrong is when you try and enter a highway at say 80km and slow down everyone behind so they are all slamming on their brakes and trying to go around you. Speed up dickhead…find the accelerator and put your foot down – END OF STORY!! If you can’t do that – go another way…get off my freeway where I want to merge at 110km. Off ramps are similar – most are quite long enough for you to actually slow down once you are on the actual exit and not 3km’s before so everyone has to crawl and slow down behind you. Keep the foot on the accelerator until you get to the actual exit – with the little dotted lines and then decelerate….otherwise…guess what…..stay off the damn highways!!! This leads me onto…

5 – move over – yeah it really hard to move over a lane when there is absolutely no traffic in the other lane to allow someone onto the highway. If someone happens to time their highway entrance to being close to you passing it by, don’t be a road hog – move the hell over and let the other person on without worrying about speeding up or slowing down to accommodate your selfish pig headed attitude.

I am sure there are more points I could add to this, and in all honesty it would probably never end, but I wanted to vent! We drive to work every day and whilst most of the drive is ok, there are some consistent things that pop up and slowly grate away at you. I am sure there is no perfect driver in the world and I may have done one of those things in my years of driving, but I don’t think that is likely :p heheheheh

Please remember this is a rant and should be taken in that context! Hope you enjoyed it!

6 thoughts on “Where did you learn to drive?

  1. Sian says:

    Oh, I’d started assuming that since I got my L’s indicators had been phased out…

    That’s how rarely I see them used before a turn/lane change happens.


  2. That is a super-peachy-keen post. Thanks for really blathering on like that! Seriously, I don’t think I could have spent more effort wishing for something heavy to fall on me to erase that nonsense from my mind!

  3. Team Oyeniyi says:

    Absolutely STUNNING!!!

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