So it continues

Still having problems of the female variety.  I just can’t afford to take any more sick days given I only have 10 more working days left….Once I am out of here I will see a gyno and get some further advice, however I know what their response will be….I need to lose weight….so December is going to be the start of that, I am hoping that once I get my treadmil and am doing at least 1.5 hours a day on it, I should lose weight…hubby and I are going to go into vegetarian mode again – just have vegies and salads as food.  Cut out meat, bread, potatoes and possibly do a detox as well to get off the sugar and coffee and other things that need to be expelled.

Combined with the increase in exercise I am hoping to lose at least 10kgs in december…well that’s my goal…It’s probably too high a goal, but you have to aim for the top to achieve anything I reckon.

I just want to bleeding to stop.

On the upside the wound on my back has finally healed I think, it has been over 3 weeks and no blood or opening and this morning I couldn’t even feel where the wound actually is.  So it looks like it may have actually healed up.  This is a great thing!!!  Means something is finally going right.

Onto other news, my mum has been promised a decision on the spouse visa on Tuesday morning (our time) so if all goes well the new family could be out here by the weekend, which is awesome for her.  Fingers crossed we actually do get an answer but I have little faith in them actually doing what they say.  So I am not holding my breath and will wait until mum actually calls me and tells me what the decision is.  It could still be a negative, but mum isn’t considering that as an option.


11 thoughts on “So it continues

  1. minxi says:

    Look, I know the weight thing probably isn’t helping things, but surely it’s not the sum cause and *entire* reason why you’re having gynae issues? Tall, short, fat or thin, ovaries can be a bitch regardless 😦 I seriously feel for you hon *hugs*

    My point here is that you need to be kinder to yourself when your body is going through crap, not punish it further. Small changes!!!! 1.5hrs a day exercise and living on salads, whilst simultaneously giving up caffeine and sugar?!?!?! Sure you’ll lose heaps of weight, but you’ll be fucking misery on two legs! And over the silly season? Are you mad?

    And I’m sitting here, again putting the ‘pro’ in procrastination and wondering if I can get away with not going to the gym tonight. I just don’t feel like it and I’m also bleeding (normally mind you). Blah! No fun.

    • dragonray says:

      hehe I understand completely about not doing everything at once, but i know me – and if I don’t do it I will never do it!! I have to just bite the bullet and get into it.

      According to my gyno the only problem I have is my weight. There is absolutely nothing wrong with my insides or blood tests etc – that don’t stem from the PCOS which stems from the weight. Basically she has told me multiple times there is nothing that can be done for me aside from losing weight. The thought process behind that was that there was nothing wrong with my cycle or ovaries or anything prior to my latest weight gain.

      I know not all obese people don’t suffer the issues I do, but perhaps it is my body’s reaction to the circumstances….I don’t know…i am just frustrated by the whole thing. So if the silly season is the season – then I shall do it!!

  2. minxi says:

    Thanks for explaining it a little further. It’s not untrue that weight gain specifically mucks about with hormonal/pituitary function, so perhaps that’s where the link is? I dunno, I guess I read alot of my friend’s blog on ‘fat acceptance’ and the health claims that she debunks, so I’m influenced there, but I’m not living in your body, going through what your body is putting you through.

    I just hope that losing weight *is* the answer here, because it’s bloody hard to do. To be honest, although I support my friend’s ‘fat acceptance’ position, I do struggle with the concept. Maybe that doesn’t mean I support it at all? Dunno….

    Whatever you do, please don’t consider putting yourself through the hell that is lap-banding. It’s not a failsafe solution and for alot of people, does cause more harm than ‘good’. That and I can’t imagine what misery you’d have to go through to have a primarily liquid only diet for the time that you have the band in. That would not be alot of fun. It’d be quite awful I reckon.

    • dragonray says:

      I would never do lap band surgery, to be honest I think that is a cop out for people who just can’t be bothered – possibly very ignorant of me and narrow minded, but I think you need to find a way to get motivated to exercise. Whatever that may be, it is hard and something you need to work at – not an overnight process- afterall most people don’t get fat overnight- it takes months/years :/

      I used to be in the fat acceptance camp, but again I think that is just an excuse – a cover if you like. I am sure for some they don’t mind being overweight, but as a fat chick I can tell you flat out; there can be no acceptance for not being able to tie your shoelaces or putting socks on or not being able to sit comfortably in restaurants or airplanes etc.

      I don’t care what people think of my weight- that’s their prejudice, but I am not happy my weight on a practical level. I do find it hard that anyone would be ok with it…..

      On a medical level, the PCOS acts likes diabetes, so I don’t break down sugars or foods properly and I don’t heal well after surgery or injury

      Sent from my iPhone

    • dragonray says:

      My thing sent without me finishing.

      Ishoudl clarify the PCOS isn’t diabetes, but it affects the hormones which – as far as I can figure – then causes diabetes like symptoms, add that on top of weight which causes diabetes anyway and you end up with a mess 🙂 Which is essentially where I am now.

      Proven by the abcyss that won’t heal after 12 months and other sundry issues that have been cropping up.

      I am not meaning to sound so harsh to the people who are ok with being overweight – but I honestly don’t understand how they can think it is fine. I am not really convinced that deep down they don’t want to do something about it. I guess I see so many people fluff on about how they are happy with their curves and fine with their weight – yet inevitably – they lose some of it at some point in time because of whatever reason. In my mind they just finally found the motivation to do it and therefore it proves they were never really happy with it in the first place, they just put that facade up….

      *shrug* each to their own i guess? hehehe

  3. minxi says:

    Good on you for taking the approach you have. No-one gets overweight overnight, so the opposite of changing the situation is not an overnight thing either – right on!

    And yes, well, I really struggle with the concepts behind fat acceptance. I fully support self acceptance of your own limits and abilities (regardless of your physical appearance) As you point out, not being able to tie your shoes or do basic physical things, then perhaps this is where things get a bit grey? I know it’s black and white for you tho 🙂

    I wish you heaps of encouragement and luck on your ‘silly season’ activities! 😀

    and ps – I had no idea that PCOS had that effect on the body. Bloody hell!

    • dragonray says:

      Thanks for the encouragement and luck 🙂 I will be ordering my treadmill tomorrow (we get our bonus paid) and so I can get it ordered and paid for this week. Was trolling ebay and trading post and there are some pretty cheaps ones out there – might get one for about 500/600 bucks 🙂 Which will make me happy 😀

      To be honest it is only black and white for me since I have been there and I have been on both sides of the fence 🙂 Or perhaps I was never really on the other side? hehe

      Believing that it will take time is hard though – if you dont see results quickly it is hard to keep motivated – but I am just going to keep telling myself that I didn’t get fat overnight….hopefully that will keep me going. I was thinking of pulling out my old photo albums and pulling some images of my out when I was thinner (size 14ish) and sticking themn near the treadmill to help keep my goal in mind as well. The problem is – I don’t think I have that many photos!! hhhehehe

      How id your motivation for tonight ? Are you going to go to the gym and sweat it out!!!

  4. minxi says:

    I don’t think I’ll ever be in a state of ‘body/size acceptance’ because I know, deep down that I’m inherently lazy and that I will do almost anything to avoid physical exertion. That’s not an easy thing to admit, (oh yes it is, I’m writing about this in relative public afterall) however, I will never ‘accept’ the shape/size I am now because I know I can do something about it and most of the time, I’m not doing anything about it. I know I’m capable of changing and I’m working on that now.

    I can readily admit to my size and weight, because hell, everyone can see me everyday. I’ve seen many a person not want to disclose how heavy they are, which I think is hilarious. The rest of the world can *see* what you I look like! LOL

    The best thing that has helped me with this sorta thing, is watching MMA and kickboxing when they fight in weight classes. Looking at how VASTLY different 70/75/80kgs+ looks on different body shapes and sizes is incredible. Yeah, they’re all fit mind you, but it really opened up an ‘ahha!’ moment for me.

    The body really is a complex and fascinating machine that we all have to work within. Pretty awesome stuff hey?

    • dragonray says:

      Agree with you on the different bodies…People don’t think I am as heavy as I am, I must hold my weight better – although not recently – i think it is getting to the obvious point now…but I know exactly what you mean…how can I accept what I know I could fix if i just chose to get off my arse every night for 30 minutes 😀 heeh

      I am constantly amazed at how the body works…how it knows when things aren’t going well and it reacts and how quickly things can be interpreted by the brain. It is awesome.

      There is always Liposuction I suppose :p

  5. minxi says:

    For the record, I’m 80kgs. And don’t tell me I’m ‘lucky’ to be that weight or I’ll go all ranty on you LOL

    I’m not lucky that I’m still carrying far too much weight for my body frame
    I’m not lucky that my concept of size and body proportion is all screwed up…
    I’m not lucky that for the majority of the time, I think I’m significantly larger than I physically am – even to the point of buying and wearing clothes that are FAR too big. (I only realise this when I’m having a moment of clarity, oh about 2 days out of every month)
    I’m not lucky that I weigh as much as a combat soldier, but I’m no where near as fit
    I’m not lucky that regardless of my size, I’m still freakin paranoid 98% of the time


    I am lucky that I have a body that functions
    I am lucky that I can change my body shape by way of exercise and diet
    I am lucky that I have money to pay for fresh food
    I am lucky that I can afford healthcare to fix what I can’t change through diet and exericse (eyesight!)

    • dragonray says:

      You know – I honestly reckon, 15kgs of that would be boob weight you know 😀 A few years ago we weighed my boobs (in a sense) and worked out that I was carrying 8kgs approx in just boob weight alone 😀

      I would love to walk around in others minds for a little while and find out why they have such screwed body images – like what was the one thing that set them off on that path? Why they lack the motivation to fix the issues etc? You know you could always look at getting some kinesiology done on the issue? It will find the base emotion and event that occurred in your life and you can work on it to correct it?

      I should maybe get into practising again and focus on people with weight/image issues and see if I can help them 😀 hehe

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