Life getting you down?

I am really feeling down today. I just can’t seem to get interested in anything.  I feel that i want to cry and curl into a ball sobbing…perhaps the bottle of wine I have in the fridge will be consumed tonight to help alleviate the emptiness.

I know why i feel like this, because I can’t seem to find a job to save my soul.  In all honesty the last 4 interviews I have been four I have been told there is no feedback they can give me, that I am supberb and fabulous.  However there has been a stronger candidate and they wished they had two positions so I could have one of them.

I am just depressed that I seem to be soooo good, yet not good enough.  They can offer no feedback or improvements and this leads me to think one paranoid thing….do people not want to hire fat people?  In a world with current obesity problems are we still under the impression that fat people = lazy people?

The reason I have come to this conclusion is this – being fat and therefore not in a suit and dressed appropriately is, in my mind, the ONLY thing they can NOT offer feedback on as it would be discriminating.  If my resume was not as impressive, or my experience not as good – wouldn’t they say that as feedback – wouldn’t they give examples of HOW my knowledge/skills/experience was not appropriate??  They can’t turn around and say “Well you are fat and so we don’t want you!” can they?

Seriously I wouldn’t be feeling this way if they could actually provide me feedback on what I can improve or what skills I can develop – but NOTHING!!!  Asking direct questions give me NOTHING!!!

I am trying to lose weight, but being as large as I am takes time, having PCOS does not help that and having unhealed wounds also doesn’t help.  I am sick to death of this….We have managed to cut our portion sizes down dramatically and I am drinking more water and having breakfast (most days).  Aside from this week being down with the flu, we have started some exercise again and I really hope this helps, but I am not likely to be losing enough weight for months for it to be making a difference to my appearance or ability to buy clothes and suits.

I am depressed today, I am sooo depressed. I want to cry and I want to scream and I want to wring people’s necks until their eyes pop out of their heads and they bleed internally!!  OK so maybe not that last part….maybe….

2 thoughts on “Life getting you down?

  1. Slamdunk says:

    That sounds like a difficult situation. I hope things improve for you.

  2. minxi says:

    Are you forgetting that you were on the verge of getting an offer from an external company, and you didn’t want it because of the $$$?!?!?! ie you got the job!

    I have to suggest, that this inability to get another role (within the company you’re in atm) has nothing to do with your weight and everything to do with the fact that you’ve been pigeon-holed. The same thing happened to me after a while as well; 10yrs there and more rejections than I can count on two hands for promotions and roles that I would have easily excelled at. And when it came to the crunch….I wanted out instead of trying to change hard wired perceptions. As hard as it’s been flying the coup, and setting up elsewhere, it’s been the best move ever. Hands down.

    The same thing happened to one of my former managers – he had to transfer to a completely different area of the group after being stymied and white-anted by those around him for 4yrs+. If I were him after 22yrs, I would have taken the package on offer….my other boss did take his package and is working in a different industry altogther and is happy as a pig in shit.

    Seriously hon, if they don’t promote you, they won’t increase your salary, have extended your travel time by moving offices, and generally make life miserable, and continue to frustrate the hell outta you, I’d seriously consider looking elsewhere. Even if it is on the same money whilst you do your small biz course.

    Look after you. Number 1 priority!

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