I am really feeling down today. I just can’t seem to get interested in anything. I feel that i want to cry and curl into a ball sobbing…perhaps the bottle of wine I have in the fridge will be consumed tonight to help alleviate the emptiness.
I know why i feel like this, because I can’t seem to find a job to save my soul. In all honesty the last 4 interviews I have been four I have been told there is no feedback they can give me, that I am supberb and fabulous. However there has been a stronger candidate and they wished they had two positions so I could have one of them.
I am just depressed that I seem to be soooo good, yet not good enough. They can offer no feedback or improvements and this leads me to think one paranoid thing….do people not want to hire fat people? In a world with current obesity problems are we still under the impression that fat people = lazy people?
The reason I have come to this conclusion is this – being fat and therefore not in a suit and dressed appropriately is, in my mind, the ONLY thing they can NOT offer feedback on as it would be discriminating. If my resume was not as impressive, or my experience not as good – wouldn’t they say that as feedback – wouldn’t they give examples of HOW my knowledge/skills/experience was not appropriate?? They can’t turn around and say “Well you are fat and so we don’t want you!” can they?
Seriously I wouldn’t be feeling this way if they could actually provide me feedback on what I can improve or what skills I can develop – but NOTHING!!! Asking direct questions give me NOTHING!!!
I am trying to lose weight, but being as large as I am takes time, having PCOS does not help that and having unhealed wounds also doesn’t help. I am sick to death of this….We have managed to cut our portion sizes down dramatically and I am drinking more water and having breakfast (most days). Aside from this week being down with the flu, we have started some exercise again and I really hope this helps, but I am not likely to be losing enough weight for months for it to be making a difference to my appearance or ability to buy clothes and suits.
I am depressed today, I am sooo depressed. I want to cry and I want to scream and I want to wring people’s necks until their eyes pop out of their heads and they bleed internally!! OK so maybe not that last part….maybe….
Firstly, I got really sick over the weekend and went to work on Monday, altough I probably shouldn’t have. i was running a fever and felt sore all over…suffice it to say I have spent the last 2 days sleeping and trying to recover….can’t seem to shake this headache though…probably have not been drinking enough water in all honesty.
Secondly, I missed out on the L and D role – there was a stronger candidate, I was unable to receive any feedback as I was very strong in my interview and there was nothing they could fault (again). However the lady I spoke to today advised there is a second position and she is going to speak to the manager about it and see if they want me to slot into that role…I am waiting on a call back about that.
Thirdly, hubby came home and said he wanted to start playing WoW again, that someone got him all interested. So we have taken it back up in a casual capacity – ie…no raiding at this stage aside from random pugging, with that in mind I have started up my WoW blog again so I don’t drown this one with crap. http://azerothianlife.wordpress.com is the link for that 🙂 Yes I have changed it again. New times need new blogs if you ask me 😀
Fourthly (is that even a word) someone who was very dear to me has gotten back in contact with me and I am confused and scared, so I am just taking that one easy and seeing where it leads. Yes I find it hard to move past being hurt…so sue me….I am just being careful not to get attached and emotionally involved at this stage 😀 TRYING anyway!!
We went out for dinner last night with some friends that we haven’t seen for ages…was very very nice food and was yummy as all hell!! We didn’t get home until about 10.00 and I was so tired I went straight to bed, so I didn’t get any exercise done last night.
However I took a picture of the cut in my shoulder from my bra strap…og yes, it is nastier than I originally thought it was:)
We are going to a friends place for dinner and movies tongiht as well, so not sure we are going to get anything done tonight, however tomorrow morning when we get up I am going to harass hubby for a karate lesson and then some skipping to make up for two bad days of nothing 😀
I also bought new sneakers last night whilst wandering the city – was an unexpected purchase but they are comfy and will probably help with the skipping/walking as my old sneakers were just that….old….I honestly can’t even remember when I bought them.
Thanks to one of my best mates as well, I am going to be investing in some new sports bra thingies, which will be the bet part…just have to sit down next pay and work out what ones I need/want etc and take some measurements etc and hope they have something that fits 😀
My interview went really well yesterday – well I think it did, I am supposed to find out early next week whether I am going to be offered the job or not. I think I gave some really awesome answers to the questions and I think I asked some really good questions in the interview….So my fingers are crossed pretty tightly that I may have done well enough in this interview to impress them 🙂 MY GOD I HOPE SO!!!!
Did I mention we cancelled liteneasy? Yeah not my style and certainly not going to pay for food that is rotting…refer to attached tomato…not sure if you can see the fuzziness starting to grow on the top there – it is a bad piccie after all, but I am not paying 160 a week to have fuzzy tomatoes sent to me…I don’t care how fussy people think I am being I won’t eat food that is satrting to rot in this day and age 😀 This was just ONE of the pieces of food that was rotting, I didn’t take a picture of the mandarin or the other tomato which was inedible….I probably should have
First night of serious skipping tonight, did about 6 minutes in total in 1 minute bursts…probably not even one minute to be honest.
My bra has cut through my shoulder, my calves are killing me but all in all I am feeling pretty upbeat. Second night in a row of some serious exercise.
On the downside we were going to go for a walk, but my wound on my back, although completely healed this morning has burst and is leaking pus and blood again, so no walkies for me tonight, I may go tomorrow though depending on the pain factor.
Hubby and I still may do some karate later however he is wheezing like a maniac and I am having a breathing and shoulder problem, so we may wait an hour or so and see how we are feeling then.
We just need to keep the momentum going now for skipping and karate and results will be soon in a few months time – so I hope 😀