So yesterday was the funeral of Marcello, my nonno. I couldn’t write about it yesterday as the pain was still too raw.
I have so many images in my head from it, that will never leave me, and will always cause me to well up in agony at the heartache and torment so many suffered.
One image is of my mother as they were lifting the coffin into the wallspace, and she was gripping onto the coffin, yelling for them not to take him, my dad came up behind her, pulled her arms down, crying himself and was restricting her movement and kissing her on the side of the head. It pains me even bringing that image to the forefront now. You have to understand, my parents are not very demonstrative, in the 15 years they have been married I have seen them kiss maybe a handful of times, and yesterday just showed me how much they really feel for each other, as he went to let her go, she gripped onto him for support and wouldn’t let him go.
My nonna when the coffin was first brought into the church, open casket, would not let the ceremoney start as she was almost climbing into the coffin to be with him and wailing and keening in despair that the man she had loved for almost 50 years had been torn away from her.
My siblings, cousins, aunties, uncles all hysterical, crying with the loss and barely able to walk without the support of their partners/loved ones.
My father told me he loved me. That would be 7th or 8th time he has actually said the words to me "I love you".
My brother’s eyes welling with tears, him rubbing them away with annoyance, but i saw it.
My sister and brother, both crying as they took up the sacrements and then not being able to control their tears when we left the church.
My cousin and Dad, being pallbearers, and not being able to stop themselves form crying as they walked.
My mum, make up running down her cheeks, smudged and her eyes blurry.
My nonna unable to even open her eyes and look at people, she couldn’t form sentences or talk, she was just numb.
It was an emotional day with tears, pain, despair and grief, so much grief that he, the light of so many people’s worlds was now gone.
Too many images, I wanted them on paper on not in my head…i wonder if that will work.