so I have started my bellydancing…god i am so fat… 😦 but i am sure with all the practice I have to do and the classes every week I will pick it all up pretty quickly and lose some weight….hopefully I will see some improvement soner rather than later…I Could practice for ages every night but I think the music would drive Drew mad…but maybe I should just do it and he will have to cope…eheheh at least it sounds nice in theory.. 🙂

I think most of my problems stem from my weight….I hoenstly do…I don’t ever remember feeling this crap about anything and everything since I gained all this weight…and I have no idea how to lose it…I knwo I am starting on the right track with bellydancing, but how long will I actually stay with that…I have read through my journal for the last few years and honestly I would be a size 8 now if I had stuck to the amount of exercise things I have said I was starting…dammnit….

Well they do say you need ro thit rock bottom before you start to make the change….our initian will help with that as well I think considering we have gone without meat for 2 weeks by then anwyay we might actually enjoy staying with vegies and maybe only having meat 3 times a week or something like that…

I want to lose weight as well because being an initiate means skyclad rituals and I don’t want to look like i do naked ina circle of people who aren’t fat like me….I can’t stand to see myself in a mirror so god help them having to look at it….

Maybe if I lose some weight iw ill be interested in having sex again…I just don’t want to be rolling around the bed with all the flab rolls waving around….Drew doesnt’ understand coz he thinks I am beautiful the way I am, which I do appreciate…but I don’t want him to have to look at me this way….

God do I have a few screws loose or what!!



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