This is my rant about my life post, please skip it if you like….just me whinging…. 

OK, I have given up on myself.Over the last few months i have been doing everything to try and be the best I can be and I don’t understand why things keep fucking up so hardcore for me (and the boi I might add).

It all started about 2 months ago when I forgot to put enough; money aside for the car loan and it has continously fucked us since then. Trying to catch up on the bills has been hard enough, but then our dog hurt his foot and we needed to spend money on getting that fixed, then next pay we had to go to a funeral, this pay we have to organise for a plumber to come and fix our fucking tap. Every fornight it seems like everything is fucking up.I am beginning to lose my mind..all I think we need it like 1k to get back on track and we would be fine…I am so sick of getting disconnection notices and having this cut off on us…WHY- FOR FUCKS SAKE!!! Motherfucking stoopid me for forgetting one fucking bill!! And why do all these fucking companies need to do direct debit anyway….then when there isn’t enough money you get charged 50 for the effort which means you have even less money to work with….i have had so many fees in the last few months I think it would add up to about 300 bucks worth….

Then the boi and I want to start doing some form of excercise and we can’t even afford to do that since we get to the end of our pay day and we have about 200 to live on for the next fortnight for petrol,transport and general living expense, fuck us if anything goes wrong coz we can’t afford to do anything – never mind one weekly ticket costs us 48 a week….so guess what happens to the 200 we have left by the next week?? YEah you guessed it – we have nothing….. I don’t know what to do, I am trying so hard to get on top and it jsut seems we are getting worse off every week coz the nedxt bill comes in and adds to the money – never mind that our rego is due in about 2 weeks tme…fuck knows how we are supposed to come up with almost 600 bucks for it….FFFFFFFFFFS…..

All i wanna do it scream and fucking yell and beat people up, but I don’t think I wanna go to jail for assault battery and murder. And what shits me more than anything is the fact thatI can’t get a loan becuase of when my ex and I broke up and it caused me huge problems and I got a bad credit history so no banks will look at helping us refinance because of it. I shouldnt blame other people, but fuck it I am!!

I have been working Overtime for the last few weeks trying to get extra money but that is apprently going to stop this fortnight and let me tell you – the OT doesnt translate too much in a pay packet after tax…so that is not even very useful….I need to get a second job that pays cash, but how do you dinf those jobs?? I mean it is not like you can walk into a place and say I want you to pay me off the books….especially these days….but it would help us sooo much if I had one….I could go work at coles or soemthing every night and weekends but for what?? I would really crappy pay and then Mr tax would take out another huge chunk…..DAMNNIT!!!!!!

Life just sucks at the moment and I cannot see any light at the end of the tunnel, I am so sick of eating sausagaes and potatoes coz that is all we can afford, I am sick of not being able to go to dinner with friends and making up excuses becuase we can’t afford to go anywhere…..

Why did it all go so wrong when we were going so well….this always happens…my whole life has been a serious of false securities – when things start looking up – someone upstairs decides it is time to make me remember the pain and live in agonising horror.

So that is all….. I can’t even get the stoopid LJ cut thing to fucking work – just to show you what I mean and I have been trying for the last 25 minutes…fucking peice of fucking shite fucking crap


3 thoughts on “

  1. he03 says:

    I really don’t know what to say that can be of any use or comfort for you other than the cliche ‘it’ll get better’ . -_-;
    It’s hard to see a silver lining out of your circumstances. However when you do emerge from all this, and you will, I believe you’ll emerge as a stronger person.

    • dragonray says:

      thanks… u still didnt solve the real problem – THE DAMN LJ CUT!!!! ROFL
      I have to say though just having a whinge makes it so much easier to deal with…thanks god for an online journal!! :p

  2. angel_wiings says:

    I dont know you very well… but I sat just now and read this post and I could feel your frustration from here darlen.
    Are you guys obviously both working?
    Darl, do you believe in the power of the universe? Put it out there . Write it down, sit on your knees and voice it out aloud, what ever it takes, but put it out there. YOUR INTENTION.. tell the universe. Get it out there.
    ” MONEY COMES TO ME EASILY AND THERE IS ALWAYS ENOUGH”.. make it a mantra if you have to.

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