why bother?

i am going to continue the tirad of depression and sadness that i have noticed in my friends journals and send youa ll big hugs in the hop eit makes you feel somewhat better knwoing that someone cares for you!!

I on the other do not want the same done for me – i dont want hugs or chocolate or flowers or “it will getbetters” coz you know what – it never fucking does!!! IT NEVEER FUCKING CHANGES!!! the shit still flows and the cows still eat grass…it is fucking crap – i ahve spent the last 6 months looking and applying for jobs ( i will not give specific numbers here coz it is ridiclous – work out 4 jobs a week over the last 6 montsh) and do you know how mnay people have called me back? two!!!! so of those two poeple i was asked to come in for an interview for one which i cancelled as I thought work was changing its tune and i have just found out this arvo it was bullshit!!

I am so angry and pissed off i want to scream – i want to know why i can;t get a fucking job i want to know why work won’t pay for me to do this course i want to do, i want to know why we have so many fucking bills that i can;t save up any money to pay fotr the course myself i want to know why i haven’t got any friends who udnerstand what i am going through but tell me they do – when they haven’t been through what i have been through – they get jobs handed to them without any effort and they say the understand, i want to know why i dont’ have the balls to quit her and abuse them all on the spot, i want to know why fat people dont’ get hired for jobs i want to know why the world is so fucked that someone with my experience gets turned down all the itme but have to train the new people i want to knwo i get walked all over all the fucking time i want to know when i am going to get out of this hithole and into something i want to do, i want to know when education is going to be easier to get and i want to know why poeple always say it will pass…..

i have been grumpy and snappy and generally in the worst mood i have been in for ages for the last 6 months. my poor boi is telling me i have been so grumpy lately and what am i supposed to say that he earns more than me on his first permanent job and it shits me up the wall that after 4 years i am still 4grand less than him – am i supposed to say that life is fucking grand?

fuck it all – why the fuck do i bother even trying to fucking smile and make nice with these fucking dumb cunt arseholes…



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